Embracing Pleasure: A Sacred Dance of Shadow & Light
In a world that often glorifies hustle culture and self-denial, I want to make a case for something that shouldn’t have to be revolutionary—Pleasure.
Not just sexual pleasure, though that's certainly part of it for many people, but the full spectrum of joyful experiences that make life worth living.
In case you’re not familiar with me yet, I’m Safrianna Lughna, author, speaker, CEO, and guide. I’m a retired (still licensed) clinical therapist with decades of helping people more fully express themselves and step into authenticity.
The topic of pleasure has been top of mind lately after witnessing a lot of what I’m calling “purity and productivity culture” on social media—shaming people for experiencing joy and trying to claim that there are certain “right ways” to do or be.
For example, I’ve seen someone denouncing self-pleasure claiming it can drain us of our energy. Sure, if it turns to addiction and something mindless.
I’ve seen business coaches pushing how making more money is the path to more “enjoyment” one should strive for, using the metrics of how many figures they’re making to prove they’re living some “good life.” The truth is we can route into joy within us and experience pleasure in “the little things,” too.
I’ve also seen people saying some wild things about plant meds, like the idea that people’s ability to be “enlightened” will be cut off. You know, those claims like if someone uses plant medicine such as marijuana, they’re automatically not spiritual. Do people realize this is likely a belief routed in subconscious racism, given the beautiful, companion-like relationships many peoples have had across generations with plant medicines of all kinds?
Question: If someone needs to limit how other people can enjoy themselves, be “enlightened,” or be “saved,” are they really focused on their own joyful and affirming experiences in life?
Really. What the heck, people?
It is my belief that everyone should get to enjoy life by their OWN design, so long as that enjoyment doesn’t directly infringe upon the physical boundaries of another individual (and doesn’t involve children, of course).
All this anti-pleasure campaigning, pushing compulsory capitalism and limited views of what a “good life” can look like is all purity culture.
The truth is that what works for ONE person may not work for another, and trying to push people into one-size-fits-all boxes is exactly the opposite of what we need as a society to actually experience unity. These limited views on enjoying one’s self stem from white-washing in many cases, erasing or ignoring rituals and knowledge that have been held by indigenous spiritual cultures for thousands of years.
As human beings, we exist on a spectrum of light and shadow, ever dancing between the comfortable and uncomfortable, doing and being, and conscious and subconscious beliefs. Each of us gets to chose how to use our own life-force energy. So, let’s talk about pleasure and why it’s important to all this.
What is Pleasure?
At its core, pleasure is a positive sensory or emotional experience.
It's the warmth of sunlight on your skin, the taste of your favorite meal, the rush of accomplishment after completing a challenging task, or the comfort of a loved one's embrace. Pleasure is our body's way of saying "yes" to life, encouraging us to seek out experiences that nourish our souls and enhance our wellbeing.
That’s it. Read that again.
Pleasure is our body’s way of saying “yes” to life.
The Sacred Feminine and the Suppression of Pleasure
For centuries, society has often viewed pleasure, particularly when associated with the feminine, with suspicion or outright hostility. This stems from a misguided attempt to control and suppress the sacred feminine principles of energy and the shadow aspects of our psyche.
The aligned shadow, as I've come to understand it and share about in my writings, involves "boundaried, grateful receiving" and a "willingness to engage with feelings and inner experiences." It's about "exploring Soul-level desires" and "constructive self-reflection." These are all keyl elements of experiencing and integrating pleasure into our lives.
Yet, our culture often pushes us towards what I call the "unaligned light"—over-functioning, intellectualizing our feelings, and spiritual bypassing. We're taught to demand that others conform to our vision of how to "be" and "do," leading to a performative existence that denies the depth of our true selves.
This suppression of the sacred feminine and our shadow selves doesn't just rob us of pleasure - it disconnects us from our intuition, our bodies, and our authentic desires. It's time to reclaim these vital, life-giving aspects of ourselves.
The Importance of Pleasure
Pleasure isn't just a luxury or an indulgence—it's a necessity for a fulfilling life. Here's why:
Stress Relief: Pleasurable experiences trigger the release of endorphins, our body's natural stress-fighters.
Connection: Shared pleasure deepens our bonds with others, fostering intimacy and understanding.
Motivation: The pursuit of pleasure can drive us to grow, learn, and achieve.
Healing: Experiencing safe, embodied pleasure can be a powerful antidote to trauma and pain, helping us reclaim our bodies and experiences. Pleasure can be transmuting!
Presence: Pleasure anchors us in the present moment, promoting mindfulness and gratitude.
Creativity: A relaxed, pleasure-filled mind is more open to inspiration and innovative thinking.
Examples of Pleasure Beyond the Sexual
While sexual pleasure is beautiful and important for allosexual people (see: people who want and like to have sex), there are countless other ways to experience pleasure and joy:
The satisfaction of creating art or music
The thrill of learning something new
The peace of a quiet moment in nature
The excitement of travel and discovery
The comfort of a warm bath or soft blanket
The joy of laughter with friends
The pride of mastering a new skill
These experiences are part of the dance between shadow and light, the interplay between our inner world and outer expression. As we do things we enjoy, we create more capacity for resilience and willingness to be with all parts of ourselves. We find more creative solutions to problems.
Reclaiming Pleasure: A Poem
In my own journey to embrace pleasure fully, I wrote this poem, which appears in my poetry collection, "A Woman's Work":
I am here to be bliss
A little death—revelry in this body they've tried to strip
from me as sin—no, the rapture is in my hips, the taste of
heaven on my lips, and I yield to my Goddess Self. Defer
to my highest delights, surrender to the relentless torrent
of energy flowing from open thighs, thrilling, teasing up my
central channel, fingertips in the delta between shoulder
blades, a kiss on the neck, a soft sigh, smile lines, crumpled
sheets, tousled sleepy, the sweetness of my freckles in
the mirror on a Sunday morning. Smelling white rose and
honeysuckle, tasting his cooking, listening to chords and
compositions while looking into sea storm eyes. Beauty in
all awareness, birdsong, shifing seasons, heartbeat, tandem
rush, swell, and swirl.
I am ananda. Pleasure is key.
You cannot take this from me.
This poem is a declaration of my right to experience bliss, to revel in the sensory delights of existence. It's a reminder that pleasure is not just physical—it's in the beauty we perceive, the love we feel, and the creativity we express.
The Dance of Shadow and Light
Embracing pleasure requires us to dance between the shadow and the light, the conscious and subconscious, the active and receptive aspects of ourselves. It's about balancing the "aligned light" of empowered, authentic actions and self-expression with the "aligned shadow" of exploring our deepest desires and engaging with our inner experiences.
This dance allows us to move beyond the "unaligned shadow" of repressed desires and limiting beliefs, and the "unaligned light" of over-functioning and spiritual bypassing. Instead, we can integrate all aspects of ourselves, creating a wholeness that allows for true, deep pleasure.
Creating Heaven on Earth
By embracing more pleasure, we're not just improving our individual lives—we're contributing to the creation of "Heaven on Earth." When we allow ourselves to fully experience joy, laughter, and delight, we raise the vibration of the world around us. We become more compassionate, more creative, more alive.
Pleasure is not selfish. It's a radical act of self-love that ripples out to touch everyone around us. It's a way of honoring our bodies, our desires, and our right to experience the full richness of life.
It's time to reclaim pleasure as a vital, sacred part of our existence. To move beyond the limiting beliefs and cultural conditioning that have taught us to deny our desires and suppress our joy. To dance freely between shadow and light, integrating all aspects of ourselves in the pursuit of a life fully lived.
Remember, as I wrote in my poem, "Pleasure is key. You cannot take this from me." Nor should anyone try to take it from you! Embrace your right to experience bliss, in whatever form resonates with your soul.
If this exploration of pleasure and the dance between shadow and light resonates with you, I invite you to delve deeper into these themes in my poetry book, "A Woman's Work." Available on Amazon and other online retailers, this collection is a journey through the landscapes of feminine power, pleasure, and self-discovery.
Join me in reclaiming our right to joy, one word at a time!
All My Love,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
P.S. Ananda in my poem refers to the Sanskrit word meaning bliss or divine joy. In the traditional Advaita Vedanta, the Anandamaya kosha is the bliss body.
A Woman’s Work is a poetry collection told in three arcs, each encapsulating one of the butterfly stages of life: caterpillar, chrysalis, and butterfly.
This month, I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge and share wisdom gleaned from my sabbatical, butterfly medicine, and more. Feel free to follow along if you want to learn more about my story! #UltimateBlogChallenge https://www.ultimateblogchallenge.com/
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