Dating with Trauma: Finding Love in the Digital Age
In today's episode of The Shadow Side, I had the pleasure of sitting down with my dear friend and fellow therapist Miran to discuss a topic that touches so many of us: dating and trauma.
As both trauma-informed therapists and individuals who have navigated our own healing journeys, we dove deep into how past experiences shape our current dating behaviors and what we can do to create healthier connections.
The Dating Landscape Today
One of the most striking observations we discussed is how the current dating landscape, particularly on social media, has become saturated with fear-based messaging. As Miran noted from her experiences in Facebook dating groups: "People are really trying to find love and connection, but they're so scared and then feeling so hopeless."
This fear-based approach to dating often stems from past trauma, leading many to constantly look for red flags instead of possibilities for connection. While awareness of toxic behaviors is important, we've noticed an overcorrection where terms like "narcissist" and "gaslighting" are being misused, creating more disconnection than protection.
Understanding Trauma Responses vs. Reality
One of the most powerful insights we shared is the difference between a trauma response and the reality in front of us. As a trauma specialist, I've observed how we often project our past experiences onto new potential partners. While our nervous system's protective responses served us well in the past, they might be preventing us from forming genuine connections now.
"When we're babies, when we're kids, we didn't have autonomy... There was always an outside authority telling us what was right. And so there's kind of a warped perspective going on now where we go to the outside world to validate." - Miran
The Communication Crisis
Perhaps one of the most enlightening parts of our discussion centered on the current state of communication. Many people simply don't know how to have meaningful conversations anymore.
This communication gap, combined with trauma responses, creates a perfect storm in the dating world.
When we're dating, especially through apps, we're often:
Making snap judgments based on limited information
Expecting instant responses and constant connection
Misinterpreting normal human behavior through a trauma lens
Seeking external validation instead of trusting our intuition
Building Healthy Connections
The key to finding love is not in putting on armor. Love comes when we can build our capacity for genuine connection while maintaining healthy boundaries. As Miran beautifully expressed: "I want people to begin to trust themselves... if you're putting out positive curiosity, openness, playfulness, that's what you're going to get back."
A New Approach to Dating
This is why we are thrilled to announce the launch of our new course, "How to Find Love on Dating Apps" at HealingHeartsDating.com. Together with Miran and our other co-instructor Aaron, we've created a comprehensive program that addresses both the practical and emotional aspects of modern dating.
The course covers:
Nervous system regulation for dating
Building self-trust and boundaries
Creating authentic dating profiles
Communication skills for meaningful connections
Understanding and healing trauma responses
Your Invitation to Transform Your Dating Life
If you've resonated with any part of this discussion, I invite you to watch the full episode on YouTube, where Miran and I dive even deeper into these topics and share more practical wisdom for your dating journey.
Ready to transform your dating experience? Visit HealingHeartsDating.com to learn more about our course and join our supportive community of people committed to finding authentic connection.
Remember, as I said: "Relationships are meant to be built over time. They are not meant to be instantaneous... They can take years to really develop into a meaningful relationship where we can really openly communicate and know each other's preferences.”
Be gentle with yourself on your path to finding lasting love. I believe you and know you are worthy of what you desire!
With Fierce Love,
Safrianna Lughna, LCPC
Author, Speaker, CEO, & Guide
Want to dive deeper into this conversation about dating, trauma, and finding authentic connection? Watch the full episode where Miran and I explore these topics in depth, share personal stories, and offer practical wisdom for your dating journey. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on new episodes of The Shadow Side with Safrianna!
