Post-Traumatic Growth: Moving Beyond Survival to Thriving
In this powerful Soul Connection Call, I sat down with Tailor Gable to explore the transformative journey of post-traumatic growth. Our conversation revealed how trauma can become a catalyst for profound personal evolution when we're ready to do the deeper work of healing.
Episode Highlights:
Understanding post-traumatic growth as an ongoing journey rather than a destination
The importance of acknowledging grief in the healing process
How to recognize and work with trauma responses
The role of stillness and rest in healing
The connection between trauma healing and authentic self-expression
Tools for managing triggers and reducing recovery time
The Beauty of Growth After Trauma
One of the most impactful insights from our conversation was about the nature of healing itself. As I shared, "You can't heal from one wound if you're in the middle of being stabbed at the same time." This metaphor perfectly captures why creating safety and distance from ongoing trauma is crucial before deep healing work can begin.
New branches and leaves sprout from a broken tree. Much like the tree, we can grow and expand past our trauma.
The Grief Connection
Tailor brought up a fascinating perspective about grief and forgiveness that resonated deeply with me. She emphasized that forgiveness isn't about the other person - it's about freeing ourselves. As she beautifully put it, "I'm forgiving myself for having gone through this experience. I'm allowed to free myself from the pain that is attached to this."
Powerful Quotes That Reflect Our Journey
As Tailor states, "I've reduced my trauma response recovery rate by hundreds of percent. I used to live in it permanently and now I revert back to it maybe sometimes for five minutes... it's gotten really small, but I still go there. [...] To think that when I live in it for five minutes now and need a break, I used to live in that permanently is sad. And so I want to attract more people that know they can totally pull themselves out of that state." This quote powerfully illustrates the possibility of transformation and healing, showing how we can go from being consumed by trauma responses to managing them effectively in small doses.
I also shared my own transformation: "I've gotten to where I'm okay with feeling sad, I'm okay with crying. To this day, there will be people that are like, 'don't cry.' And I'm like, 'no, thank God I'm crying right now. Let me get this the frick out.'"
The Power of Stillness
One particularly meaningful part of our conversation focused on the challenge of embracing stillness. As Tailor noted, sometimes our greatest insights come in these quiet moments, even though they can be the most challenging to accept, especially for those of us who've used busyness as a coping mechanism.
Moving Forward
The journey of post-traumatic growth isn't about erasing our past or "getting over" our trauma. Instead, it's about developing a new relationship with our experiences and ourselves. As I mentioned in the episode, "You're never going to be without your triggers. They're never going to just poof, vanish... but we can reduce that charge and our response to the charge."
Want to dive deeper into this transformative conversation? Watch the full episode on our YouTube channel or below. Don't forget to subscribe to catch future chats, masterclasses, and rituals as they're released. Together, we're creating a community where healing and growth are celebrated as the beautiful, messy, ongoing processes they truly are.
All My Love,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
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*Transcript was created in Descript and may not be 100% accurately transcribed.
The Post-Traumatic Growth Journey with Safrianna & Tailor Gable
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Safrianna: So welcome Tailor to our soul connection call. Please go ahead and introduce yourself.
Tailor: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Yes, I'm Tailor Gable. I am a multi-passionate driven human. I am a cancer sign. I love nature gardening, and I love humanity, and I love Earth, and I'm really happy to be here. When we first met, we just had a really, really synergetic.
Connection. I felt and yeah, it felt felt necessary to take it into a different place. So I'm really happy to be here today to talk to you about post traumatic growth journey.
Safrianna: Yes. And that is, so that's what you've made so much of your own career too, is like walking other people through this post traumatic.
Growth journey because you've had your own journey of that, which I'm assuming we're going to talk about today. So I am Safriana Luna. I also, all of those things, like I love animals and nature. I consider myself a Druid. I go by the moniker, the queer spirit guide, and I am just here to help people get into their own authentic relationship with their spirits, which spoiler alert, like we're all different, right?
So that's the true meaning of queer is to. Different and we're all that we are all different. So I love celebrating our differences. I think it's so exciting that we're all different people and like different facets of the whole. So post traumatic growth, I had never heard of this term actually until very recently.
So it's really interesting that like I learned it and then now I'm meeting people like you who use that as like a main term or a thing that they teach in the world. So how did you. Like, how did you come into that terminology and how has that, even just that post traumatic growth guided your journey?
Tailor: Ooh, such a good question. I was really, gosh, I guess just to take you back to childhood, I was really born into trauma. I was really born into just a multitude of unpleasant situations. So growing up, I didn't, I didn't quite know anything, but that particular situation and I was pulled out of that particular situation and lived with my mom for, for all of my childhood.
And I was, was loved and given shelter and just so many abundant things that I was provided to by my mom. But I definitely did have some, biological trauma, if you will, and generational trauma. And then I had, but I had also always been really in tune with my own intuition and really autonomous and really interested in the spirit realm and throughout childhood.
Kind of shut that off, which I, which I believe is really, really common when I'm talking to other spiritual entrepreneurs, it's, it's a really similar path. And I, so I still always, played with that piece of myself. I was always really interested in it. I just wasn't always as open about it. And so I explored those pieces privately.
And, throughout our lives, when we engage for me, is engaging in different traumatic events. It instills a program, within you. And these programs show up in different ways. It's their trauma responses, right? Fight, flight, freeze, bond, friend. And so, for me personally, I'll be vulnerable and say that my trauma responses are fight and flight.
I have, they come in a pair. And so I had to really work. I thought that that part of myself, I'm like, yeah, that's just who I am. And then after a while, I'm like, actually, this doesn't really resonate with my soul. And so I ended up, this is actually why I'm in my son's room right now. I was, I got pregnant with my son in my early twenties and I immediately felt so attached to the opportunity of being a mother.
And I was really, and then I was kind of like, I almost said a square word. It was almost like, you are allowed to say that. Swear on here, I'm not going to police anything. Oh, okay. Well, I was like, holy shit. I have to keep a human alive and they're going to watch me be a human. So I want, I wanted to make sure, me, myself, I choose myself.
And so I am my own intrinsic motivation. However. My son is a re like for me, my personal journey, my son is a really strong piece of that. So I believe he really saved my life by just existing. And so I really started taking my post and this is what I call the post traumatic growth journey. I started to awaken myself to the fact that no, I can actually be something different.
I can choose something on the other side of. Of this trauma response. So I actually went to college. I have a psychology degree. I was really in this, I just, that was my interest. I'm like, I want to understand that the mind and then even beyond that I wanted to learn the spiritual side of, of life.
And so I found a way to combine the two in my own personal life to overcome. I think our post traumatic growth journey, once you've been through, and everyone faces different levels. Of trauma, it's different for everybody. And so once you've gone through different traumatic experiences, I believe we're always on a post-traumatic growth journey.
There's things that come up as you uplevel, you face different challenges and sometimes it, it shines a light on a shadow, a shadow piece of yourself that you have to go back and revisit. And I think. I've actually been able to transition those experiences into really beautiful things. Wow, this is, I'm bringing awareness to the fact that this is an unpleasant experience, but I can shift this to be a really beautiful lesson and propel me in a different direction.
Obviously I'm meant to shift here. So that journey for me has been huge and, and has often felt really isolating. Which is why it's, I wanted to turn it into a career path for myself and bring awareness and show other people that, it doesn't need to be the specific type of trauma, but just the fact that we've gone through things in life.
And there's a community of people that understand, you don't have to be alone. And it's, it's really nice to be able to have a community, a group of people that feel that same way. And so I, I like to be like that gate or a guardrail, that safety net for people to lean on during that, the post traumatic growth journey process.
Safrianna: Yeah. I, I see myself there. Similarly, instead of a gate, I'm a bridge. I see myself as okay, I'm going to be the person that's going to hold your hand and walk you to the other side of the bridge. And then on the other side of the bridge, like you're in that post traumatic growth journey and we've aligned you with your, your team and your help and your support and your self care so that you can be in a.
A loving relationship with your traumatized parts. That is the, what you've shared. I feel so similarly, cause I was born into a family just. Soaked and seeped in trauma. And every, every woman in my family has lived the same set of traumas. And I was the first person to like really break it and speak up and really step out.
And that was huge too. It's so scary to try and move people. past the trauma because we've only ever known up until the point where we try to break free. We've only ever known the trauma response. We've only ever known the story that the trauma tells us and the beliefs that it brings forward for us.
And so, yeah, we're always, I, I, completely agree. We're always in this expansion past like once we're like, okay, I experienced this trauma. It's not my fault that I experienced the trauma, but it's on me now to heal or be in the process of being with those parts of myself that experienced these traumas.
That's our responsibility.
Tailor: And
Safrianna: so many of us are afraid to take on that responsibility. I feel or we don't think we can. For some reason, because maybe we haven't had someone show us that it's possible, right? If we're isolated in our family system where the trauma is being perpetuated, for example, we might literally not know that it is an option to not perpetuate that trauma.
Tailor: Yes. Oh my goodness. Love that. And it's comes with so much courage and bravery when you're able to step outside of that. Like when you can look within and. Well, what's on the other side of this? And for me, that was a pivotal question. I remember the first time somebody asked me that and I was immediately like defensive, I think I I felt attacked almost Oh my God, there's another side, and I had never been introduced to that. So, when you bring that into, when you like find start believing that there is another side and then you get excited about it and you want to share it with people. And. When you start doing that, I think that's also a point in the awakening or the post traumatic growth journey where you're, You're like, Oh, I, now I actually have to reflect on my external environment.
Am I surrounding myself with the right people? Am I perpetuating
Safrianna: the trauma? Reenacting the trauma. That's what so many of us do. We just get into a loop where we've experienced this trauma as children, and then we start playing it out in our adult relationships. That's exactly what I did. And then we have to find the other option.
And sometimes it's what was coming to mind is the metaphor of planting seeds, right? Like sometimes just seeing someone else's broken free from it is the seed and we're not ready to take it yet. Maybe we are offended. We're like, whoa, no, there can't be another side. But just someone introducing that can, then we can water it later on.
Tailor: And maybe it is for us. I love that topic too. 'cause it's try, I love, this is such a metaphor that I love using or an analogy or whatever you like to call it, is like trying different foods, right? Some people think like when you try a new path or a healthy path, like there's one thing, like healthy means nutrition.
And I, and I get that from a lot of people. It's actually, actually no, it's a lot more than than that. But that is really helpful. And so it's but it is like trying new foods. It's like dabbling in in different areas. Of of seeds, what, what feels good and what sprouts here and what blooms.
And I, I think it's really beautiful for, for me personally, a huge piece of the post traumatic growth journey. What I was able to recognize in myself and, and friends and people and like in the new community that I've submerged myself in. Is that we've grown to first, we've all gone through trauma and various forms.
And what has allowed us to really shift our experience is that we took the time to. Sit with ourselves and understand what I like to call like the fundamentals of the self is understanding your love languages and your sex language and what motivates you and what excites you understanding the inner voice, there's so Some people that don't quite understand what, what does that mean?
What, what is the inner voice? Because maybe we're programmed to really listen to the ego first. And so we don't really know the definitions of those and that's okay. It's not taught, but it is important to learn. If you want to do the work and, shift your, your trauma responses to life, you first have to.
Connect with yourself and understand that's why I call it like fundamental pieces. If you just learn these things about yourself, it can be so exciting. Like when I, I learned, I still learn new things. There's never like a cap, learning, we're always learning. So I don't, I'm not like a book of all the things, it's.
I have a lot of really great tools and resources you can use to understand who you are. But when you do that, it becomes really exciting. And I think through that experience alone, you naturally move away from trauma responses. You don't have to. You don't even really have to focus on the trauma response itself.
You just need to be aware of it and what you're working towards. And I think that's just that's the main piece of the post traumatic comorbidity is like connecting to you.
Safrianna: Yeah. I love that. Just like being aware of the trauma response does not mean we have to give into the trauma response, right?
Tailor: It's.
Safrianna: I, I do a lot of parts work with people and I find parts work really transformative on every level, just this concept of. This is a part of me that's experiencing this right now, right? It's not all of me, it's just a part of me. So how do I hold the hand of this part and be like, I see you it is okay that you're afraid, or it's okay that you want to run away, or it's okay that you want to get in this fight right now.
And we're gonna I'm going to walk you over here to self awareness and coping skills and whatever we've, we've figured out because we've unpacked what works for us. And that's if we're unwilling to, to look in the shadow, we also can't really find what works for us to really help shine light in that shadow.
We're just literally grasping in the dark.
Tailor: So yeah, yeah. Yeah, and that's why it's so important to build that like trust and connection with yourself and also like having support system. Like being able to reflect alone is is so unnecessary, but I do also believe like having a really strong support system, whether it's 2 or more people or whatever that feels good to you is so important to do because you have you.
Facing your shadow. Sometimes you do need to like auditorily bounce ideas or thoughts off of people. And you do need a trusted community of people that you can do that with and understand your new language that you're speaking. And so that can be hard to find if you're, if you're new on the journey and haven't adjusted your surroundings, if you will.
Safrianna: Oh, that's so, I, when I was a trauma therapist, I ran into this issue all the time with clients. We'd be talking about the trauma and they'd have this understanding of how their trauma had impacted them. But then when we really looked at it, they were still in the traumatic situation. So there was no ability to heal from it.
And I, I use this very graphic metaphor, like warning blood that you can't, it's really hard to heal from one wound. If you're in the middle of being stabbed. at the same time Oh, let me look at this. But then, you've got another knife being lodged in over here. So we have to really consider the surroundings because if we're, again, being perpetually re traumatized or perpetually re triggered, obviously we're all going to get triggered.
Like even if we're out of the situation, triggers come up, but if there is no avoiding it, there's no escaping it. There's no ability to be safe from it. Cause it's right. It's not even a trigger. It's just the trauma.
Tailor: Right
Safrianna: there in your face. Like we have to be able to get out of that situation to fully integrate.
Okay. It is safe for me to take a breath. Cause if it's not really safe for you to take a breath, cause you're just in the middle of a bad situation. That's not going to help you.
Tailor: Yeah, you know what? I feel, I, I feel intuitively driven to share a personal experience. Like I, I even still go through this, I'm always, always practicing.
And, for me, I'm, I think it's really exciting to celebrate that. I've reduced my trauma response recovery rate by 10%. Hundreds of percent, I used to live in it permanently and now I, I revert back to it, maybe sometimes for five minutes, and so it's gotten really small, but I still, I still go there, and that's about like understanding like you said, you're coping, like, how are you coping with that?
How do you recognize it? And so for me Yeah. No vulnerable share is there's a song, there's a specific song that pulls me back to an experience that puts me into this fight or flight mode. And so sometimes I'll be at the grocery store. Right. Not a traumatic environment. I need to be there.
I must have food. Right. And I'm just walking the aisle and there, there comes the song. Right. And so sometimes I'm able to be like, Oh, what's the message that I need to hear from this right now? And then other times, maybe I have something else leading. I'm allowing something else to lead that day.
That's not my intuition. Maybe it's my inner child, maybe it's my ego. And so here's the song and now I'm, now I'm something different, and I'm like, I need to get out of here. My hands start getting sweaty. And so I'm, but being able to go through those things and bring awareness to it has allowed me to recognize the way that I show up when I'm having a trauma response mentally.
Physically. Like I just said, my palms get sweaty. I get really sweaty on my armpits. My heart starts beating and I, from my, my neck to, to my lower abdomen is all like pulsating, sweaty and nervous. And then my hands start tingling and I, it's so vivid yes, I can explain it so well.
So well now, and that to think like, when I live in it for five minutes now, I need to take a break. I'm like, Oh, that was a lot. I used to live in that permanently is, is, is sad. And so I want, I want to attract more people that are just, I know that there's more people feeling like that.
And so I, Well, everything that I've gone through, I know that there are other people that can totally pull themselves out of that state. So,
Safrianna: yeah, that's where I am now. I was actually the therapist I had been working with for a really long time. She also just retired. We're all retiring. All of us.
Therapists that are so burnt out from the system that is not supportive. But anyway, we were checking in with each other like quarterly and we were just checking on my, my, cause I had diagnosed PTSD and dissociative disorder, not otherwise specified, like lots of trauma responses. And so we worked together for about two years, just on like how it was showing up right now.
I've, I've had literally probably 20 but in this last little round, we, we did a hardcore year of work and then we were just checking in quarterly because I had actually brought my PTSD scores down to no longer diagnosable and I was like this, wow, I never thought I would be here. Now, that does not mean I don't still have triggers or that I don't still have PTSD symptoms.
It just means that I'm in a different relationship where it's not distressing me. Now I'm like, wow, that was really triggering. I'm thinking about, this past, whatever situation, I totally get the music thing cause I am like I'm very auditory and hearing the things that take me back to a moment is really, really clear for me.
So, but when I am triggered now, There is that little element of and I still love you. And we're still going to get through this, which was completely absent in the past. I'd be like, I've got to get through this. Ah, like why am I triggered and judgment and shame and like fear? Am I ever going to get unstuck from this?
And now it's just yeah. Okay, I'm going to have this response right now and maybe I will lean into a maladaptive coping mechanism for a moment, but it's going to be a moment. It's not going to be weeks. It's going to be maybe a day or an evening or something. And so there's this ability to come back to compassion for myself.
And so that's where I, I so want people to know that you can get to that point. Eventually, you're never going to be without your triggers. They're never going to just poof, vanish, and I did EMDR therapy and unburdening and like all kinds of techniques. We don't do lobotomies anymore, right? Like we can't go in and just unplug our brain.
So they're going to be there, but we can reduce that charge and our response to the charge. And we can reduce the need to buy into, The self loathing behaviors because of it.
Tailor: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I, there's a really key element to this conversation too, along with. Understanding where, where things are coming from and learning your coping mechanisms and, shifting those things.
There's also a huge piece that I think is often overlooked and doesn't, isn't talked about enough, which is grief. And I have always, I've always said this. And perhaps somebody else has to, I just haven't heard it that I, I personally feel that there is a missing link in forgive in grief, which is forgiveness.
And although I do believe like forgiveness and acceptance really go hand in hand with each other. I do think that there's a really key piece to forgiveness that is often overlooked when you're in traumatic situations. And so like just the grief process is really important. And so I think a lot of people often maybe might move past it.
I, I even, so myself, I went through some back to back traumatic experiences at the beginning of this year. And I found myself, I, I had, I have all these tools in my tool belt, so I'm like, Oh, I get to use my tools now, and, and I, and I actually took a couple months and I ignored grief.
And I tried jumping right to the lesson and the overcoming and yes, we're going to get back to this. And I kept hitting obstacle after obstacle when I realized, oh, wow, I actually missed a few stages of grief. And. So I had to go back to those things and I had to, be with myself again and face these things.
And so I think that's a really important element. And I ended up running into the word forgiveness and I had so much resistance with that word for a long time. So I really had to rewrite the definition of that for myself to be that I'm forgiving myself. I'm releasing myself from this trauma. You you don't need to.
Tell this person or the situation or whoever else was involved in that situation. They don't need to be a part of it unless that helps provide you closure. It's the term forgiveness for me is about I'm forgiving myself or having gone through this experience. I'm allowed to free myself from the pain.
That is attached to this. And so I really feel and, and so through that brings you to acceptance.
Safrianna: Yeah, I would strongly agree with that. I remember a couple, it's been more than a couple of years ago. Now time is fricking weird, by the way. It's probably been about five years now, but. I went through a very traumatic lost time, losing an entire community and relationship and like very close friends and even family members were swept up in some of the situation.
And. At first I was like, I'm an empowered woman now, like I'm just going to power through this and get to the lesson and like the same thing, but no, it took me like probably a good six months of allowing myself to feel all of the grief, the sadness, the depression, the loss to be angry, to be, distraught, to, Go into some really freaking dark places for a little bit to feel everything that needed to be alchemized in that.
And then I was able to do the forgiveness. Of my self peace and the okay, it's okay to let this go, but I totally hear you there. Like I yes We can get to this point in our journey where it's like I have all these tools and I can just do this and like I've done it before so I'll just get no like we have to To really I this is my belief to really get there.
We need to not bypass We need to feel what we need to feel and integrate the lesson on the other side of it so
Tailor: that we can move on. Yes. Gosh, we could totally, we could have a whole conversation just about grief because like you're talking about this and in my head, I'm having like, Visualizations of the personalities that come out of you during those different stages, right?
Sometimes it's unpredictable. You're like, Oh wow, I didn't know I could feel that way when I was angry. I didn't know I could have those thoughts when I was angry. And it's really important to be able to like tune into those things. So yeah. Yeah, we could really.
Safrianna: Oh, I'm sure. We could do a master class.
Masterclass on the parts of you. You'll meet on the grief journey. That would be a great masterclass. Yes, because it's so true, and each part needs acknowledged each part of that journey needs to be really processed and felt in order for us to get to the other side. The way I look at it now, looking back, if I had not gone into that deep depression that I did, I would not have been able to process it because I would have been above the surface.
I would not have been acknowledging my true feelings of the loss of everything that came about that trauma. And ultimately it was because I spoke up about trauma and said, this is happening and no one wanted to look at it. They wanted to bypass it and just get to the, but we can just be happy together.
And I was like, no, because it's still perpetuating it. And so. Oh yeah, I had some hard core feelings that I had to really work through and if I had not taken that time and gone into the dark place, I'd probably still be faking it, that because that's what we end up doing. We're just being fake in the world.
We're not acknowledging the full depths of who we are and what we've been through and those layers of
Tailor: grief. Yes. Yeah. And you bring up such a good point when you start living in your authenticity. The, the people that maybe take offense to that or don't react as pleasantly to it. I think most of the time it's just a, it's a, it's a reflection back on, their own shadows as well is, which is, is a really key piece.
And so I'm able to actually really shift that for myself also. If I'm ever in a situation and I'm feeling. Some of those feelings sometimes I do. And that's, it's a huge reflection. I'm able to stop that experience now, instead of letting it bloom into something even more unpleasant, you're able to stop it, halt it in its tracks and, and move it into a different space.
What is this trying to tell me? What does this mean now?
Safrianna: Yeah. Why is this coming up for me right now? Right before we got on the call. I was saying that I feel like there's a lot of collective stuff coming up right now with triggers and, and, and intuitive and shamanic healer that I really respect. And I consider a very good friend actually posted today that she was noticing a lot of like root chakra clearing and like triggers coming up to be looked at.
And I've been doing a lot of like literal physical practice. Pain, I call it pain alchemy at this point because I don't know why we humans decided pain was the way to go, but that's like the price sometimes that we pay in Having the transformation, and that's so many people right now are having all of these triggers coming back up.
I don't know if it's. This Pisces full moon we just had just smacked us upside the head, it feels but it's been this old stuff is coming up right now. And what has changed? What has shifted for us? How are we in a different relationship with these triggers now than we used to be? And if we can. Do that sort of timeline update Oh, I'm not actually in the trigger anymore.
Like it's not happening to me right now, but it's coming up right now. Why, what is the energy trying to teach me? Or what is there an opportunity for me to clear out right here? I just commented. Ah, yes. Lean into the Pisces feels. Yeah.
Tailor: I love, I love the branches of this conversation because I, some people are on this side of things and some people are not, but like for, I, I feel like I can speak for both of us when I say we are very much in tune with the shifts in the universe and the shifts in our own bodies as women and how connected we are.
And it's, it's true. The energy is when, once you recognize your connectedness, I think that raises your, your vibration and your frequency. And it's. It really shows up. And so I love all of the questions that you asked actually like started writing them really fast. I know. I see you
Safrianna: over there,
Tailor: woman after my own heart.
I'm like, Oh, I could use that question later to reflect myself. Yeah.
Safrianna: I love, I call myself a self development junkie because I've gotten to this point. Like I love doing self development. I love doing the reflection because And then I don't have to feel so cruddy for so long I'm okay with feeling sad, I'm okay To this day, there will be people that are like, don't cry.
And I'm like, no, thank God I'm crying right now. Let me get this the frick out. Let it go.
Tailor: Oh my God. Yes. It's
Safrianna: so good.
Tailor: There's two, two things are like screaming at me right now. So it's in my coaching program, I grew really close to somebody that I was in, in the coaching program with her name is Alina and she taught me something that I still use to this day, which is when you're in a situation, ask you, try to pull this question forward.
How can I make this playful, depending on your situation, but like me at the grocery store, getting triggered, for example, if I'm having a difficult time pulling myself out of it, it's just okay, well, how can I be playful? And just for me, that word itself allows me to smile. So that was Oh, I lost the other side of what I was going to say, but I think that that's just so important is just being able to find the joy in the job.
Also, you can choose to be happy through that. How
Safrianna: can I make this playful? I love that. And I, the question I always bring up and I encourage my clients to consider is, am I enjoying myself right now? Because there are some things we kind, we literally do have to do if we want to live a certain way.
There's nothing we have to do. There's nothing you have to do, but if you want to live a certain way and you want to have certain lifestyle values There are things we have to do. So like washing the dishes, I might ask the question, am I enjoying myself? And the answer might be no, but I like that. Now I compare, well, how do I make this playful?
How do I make this playful? How do I get into the energy of play with it? But I love the question of, am I enjoying myself for, because of all the other things we don't actually have to do to live in alignment with our lifestyle values then why are we doing it? Right? Like, why am I doing it if I'm not enjoying it?
Yes. Yes. So, I like this pairing, because they can really play off of each other. And I think that that is in the post traumatic stage of life And obviously I think like my theory that we go through our butterfly journey over and over again, like we'll go back into a post traumatic journey with something else.
Cause we'll have a new trauma that will come up or a new grief or new loss, whatever. But we really have this opportunity to try on a new energy in it. Like, how can I find the joy in this? How can I play in this? And that's something that's maybe not accessible before we're in that post traumatic.
Growth stage.
Tailor: Yes. It's it's the post traumatic growth journey is it's it's the evolution that continued, like you said, it's a butterfly. It's a continued evolution of, of ourselves. Yes. Imagery everywhere.
Safrianna: It's yeah. There's so many paths I want to take with it. We're clearly obviously going to just have to keep talking about so many of these things because there's so much synergy and.
There's so much I, I want and feel is important to share with people about the simultaneous. This is challenging and it's, it can be joyful.
Tailor: Yes. We've been talking so much about moving pieces and the self development part. Something that I want to touch on is the stillness and the quiet side of it, because for me, that's the most challenging.
Because that's when the biggest insights and shifts happen. I think that's why it's that's why it's challenging for me. And I'm also I'm also personally working on reprogramming myself. And my beliefs that. Like logically, consciously, I know that taking time to rest is productive. It can also be productive, but subconsciously I'm like, this is not productive and we're not getting any shit done, so I'm still, those two things are not aligned for me yet.
So I'm really working on those. And so sometimes when I'm in my hustle mode, like for me, I, I just organically have an annoying amount of energy and I'm using the term annoying because I've heard other people say that I'm just like, I'm just like, ready to go, but as soon as it hits like 5 PM, I'm like, oh, okay, I'm ready.
That's now, but like from 5 AM to 5 PM, I'm just like an energizer bunny. So I know that I need time to rest. And so sometimes my resting looks like. I know like throughout the day, I'll find myself having like anxious thoughts and I'll start spiraling in different directions. And I'm like, okay, I need to, I need to step back and take a break.
Like I know this about myself. And so sometimes I'll literally have to force myself, sit on my bed and be like, stay, don't move. And so sometimes that's what my stillness looks like. And other times it is really peaceful. It is really quiet. And I do allow a lot of that. Really great things to funnel in.
Sometimes I get a lot of answers to whatever it is that I just stepped away from without even intentionally searching for it. And yeah, so I just, I really like to emphasize, embracing those moments and yeah, it's challenging for me. So that's a piece I'm still working on.
Safrianna: I literally took a quiz this morning cause I love taking quizzes and.
It was like about your, your energy type or something and your feminine energy embodiment or something. And one of the questions was something about what is your, what's your guilty pleasure? And I, mine was overworking.
So I feel like you feel that. And that I a hundred percent know. It still comes from old trauma threads that I'm still because they're so far back. Like the overworking goes back to being a toddler for me.
Tailor: Yeah.
Safrianna: So that's going to take me like a very long time through my life to keep healing and there's going to be more and more layers.
Like I obviously I just quit my job two weeks ago so I'm not 25 people a week now plus running a company and all of the other things I was doing. So we're doing way better and yet. I still have this voice. That's part of me that's you only worked four hours today, that's not enough. But then I think about it and I'm like, actually you worked eight hours today because you're not counting this that you did that is still work.
It's still action. It's still doing.
Tailor: So I'm constantly unpacking. I love that you just, oh my gosh, how aligned. So what? I, yeah, I was doing something like that with myself as well, because I had realized I actually really prefer to have a 30 to 35 hour work week. I don't do that. I'm much far beyond that right now, but I know I have had a point in my life where I did have that, and it was a really.
healthy structure for me. I love that. And so I'm trying to get back to that. But like I had, I lost my train of thought.
Safrianna: I totally, I've lost my train of thought like six times and just barreled through it and been like, Oh my gosh, I had such a good point
Tailor: to it.
Safrianna: So you, You want to have this 30 to 35 hour work week, but you're extending way past that.
Why, why are you extending way past that? What's the story that's coming up for you that says I need to keep doing more.
Tailor: I think that goes so far back to my childhood as well. For me, I think part of it is like my current circumstances and also being like, I am multi passionate. And so part of me believes that I have to put a certain amount of hours into both areas in order for me to get to this certain level.
So, as I'm. Moving through these careers. I'm trying to find a way to integrate things so that I can move to this space, and I'm still taking time to nourish myself in the process. I think that's really important. Like I'm understanding where I'm working towards. It's like that jet lag phase, right?
Like I'm working towards this. I'm not quite aligned yet, but. I know, I know where it is and you can sit and visualize those pieces. It helps you, it helps you move, move towards that.
Safrianna: Jet lag is a great way to describe it. Cause I actually just traveled two weekends ago to go up and meet Kayla Jetta from the Rise Leadership Circle for Camp Yes and great time.
I didn't get home until 2 a. m. the day I came back and I just feel like I'm, I'm like, I have all these visions and goals and I have my beautiful notebook from camp and all, and I'm still like integrating right after that travel and that is sometimes what life is like. It's like we're a little bit jet lagged.
We've, we've, Learned the lesson or we figured out where we want to go, but then it takes time to catch up on this human layer down here in, in density on planet earth where time is very weird, right? Like we're constantly, or at least I constantly feel like I'm playing a catch up game with what I've realized up here.
Tailor: in those
Safrianna: still moments in the, the mindful moments. So it is, it's an ongoing, we're all ongoing works in progress, but you're holding this vision for yourself that you are going to get to your 30 to 35 hour work week.
Tailor: Oh yeah. Absolutely. I, I often have, I think something that's let me know if you resonate with this during the, the journey.
This actually happens for me almost on a daily basis. I will just get like funnels of ideas and put them in different places. And so I have a whiteboard, a journal, a computer with like notes on it. And so it's, it's. So I look at this and they happen so often and I don't want to, I don't want to stop it from happening, but I also sometimes I allow it to affect my focus, right?
And, and so I have all of these like streams of things. And so. For me, I was able to, so obviously I'm part of the rise circle as well. And so for me, I was able to understanding for me, it was a fundamental, like what I love, a fundamental piece of the type of joy I have for me, it's the accomplisher I was like, Oh, that makes sense.
And so. I'm like constantly operating from a place of accomplishment. And so I've had to reduce or rework my brain to look at that term accomplishment so differently. I, and so, There it is. I remembered what I was going to say earlier.
That's how it happens. Okay. Okay. You had mentioned that you put in four hours sometimes or like you put in that four hour day and you're like, and you're some, you're like old, old person or that that older version of yourself response was like, this isn't this isn't enough. And so I was working on that with myself and I had realized that there was like a new tool I integrated, which was like, for me, and I I'm sure you operate the same way.
It's like, When we're good at something, sometimes we can get a lot done in our power hours, maybe it would take you four hours, maybe not in power hour would take you six or seven hours. So for me to help counteract or, or soothe that thought, I started tracking. What I was doing, which in the end does take a significant, it takes 10 minutes out of your day to track everything that you're doing.
But when you do that and you look at your list at the end of the day and you realize, Oh, wow, I did actually did 22 tasks. It's holy shit. No, I actually did do a lot.
Safrianna: Yeah. You and I are very, very alike because I hear all the time, like, how do you have, how did you get all of that done? And I'm like, I'm just running on a motor here.
Do you know your human design? Are you a manifesting generator? Yes, I am. Okay. Yeah. So pro tip for the manifesting generators out there, because this is, this is something that has been so helpful for me because the ideas do pour into our open head all the time. I will literally, when I'm, I'm clocked out, I'm done with business.
I imagine putting like a, a lid. On my open head space and saying, okay, we're done with the ideas for now. No more ideas are coming in for now. So I like to do that, especially in the evening. Like just picture this little lid going on my head because I literally picture it. Those of us in human design with that open head space, it's like, it's like a waste basket, right?
Like here, I'm just pulling my little trash can and things are constantly being dumped in here constantly, constantly. So we need to put a lid on it. So that nothing else can get in here.
Tailor: I'm going to have to go because I'm honestly, so you know what my, the next thing, so I'll totally, honestly, the next thing on my task list for my business is to reprioritize my task list.
I'm like, I was like, I'm looking at all these ideas. I'm like, these need to be organized. Oh my God.
Safrianna: Yeah, the organization is a little bit of a struggle for me, admittedly, but that's, I totally feel you. I have notebooks everywhere. In fact, I'm going to do a live soon where I just pull out all of my notebooks and we're going to take bets.
People are going to bet on how many notebooks. I own that are full of ideas because it's probably a ridiculous number. Oh, fun. I'm going to guess
Tailor: 107.
Safrianna: I would not be surprised if that was very accurate. But yeah, the, when we are generating all of these ideas, and especially after we have emerged from like trauma being our story.
We're excited finally for our ideas and we want to lean into our passions and we want to take the energy that we didn't used to have because we were so you know tangled up in the trauma and so it's really exciting to have so many ideas and That can be extra stressful for us. So we need to find the tools to make it work and not become a trauma in of itself.
Tailor: Yeah. I love your spin on it though. Being able to put that cap on it. But I also, I actually didn't even think about it from that perspective, which is. I went through all these things. I've actually made so much more space in like energetically and mentally for new things to funnel in. And so that's, what's happening, which is actually like a positive shift to focus on.
I
Safrianna: love that. And I, thinking about your moments of stillness, that is when the downloads come in hot for me and I'm like, I just wanted to rest. I had taken I do this portal series. I actually think this month might be the first month I don't do a portal, but We've still got 23 ish days left, so we'll see.
But I was on this, I like ran away. I needed to like, just take a break. And so I, I got myself a hotel room with a bathtub and I went away for a weekend and I'm literally like, Oh, lighting candles. And I'm just like about to get in the bath of water's running. And then all the ideas start coming. And I'm like, Oh gosh.
And they were from our portals. So it is funny how when we start to take care of ourselves and we really nourish ourselves, that's when we get our most brilliant downloads. And so that is an exciting aspect of the post traumatic growth and the taking care of ourselves and finding those moments of stillness.
So
Tailor: there's
Safrianna: so much good on the other side of choosing, Choosing to accept I have been traumatized, and my trauma does not have to run my life.
Tailor: Yes, yes, yes, yes. That is it. I love that.
Safrianna: So, that feels like a goodish spot for us to begin to wrap this conversation, because obviously we need to have more!
Tailor: Oh my gosh, yeah. I jotted down with my chicken scratch handwriting jotting my ideas down. So many, so many delicious things that we can keep going. Elaborating on. Yes.
Safrianna: So obviously if you like me or Tailor's energy or both, reach out to us, keep the conversation going. And you are always welcome to join the Living Luna community where we uplift each other in sharing, sharing the glimmers and sharing the joys and, not, not being in the space of constantly trauma dumping, but acknowledging that we all have trauma.
So let's keep the conversation going. Reach out if you want. To have a conversation. Thank you for holding this space today. This was so amazing. The power flickered like 10 minutes in. I was like, Oh no, this lamp went. But we made it. I put a bubble of energy over the house right as we were getting live. It worked.
Yay. I think it was our
Tailor: energy. Yes.
Safrianna: We held the
Tailor: space.
Safrianna: So thank you everyone who tuned in. Let us know if you caught the replay and we'll talk again soon. Bye.
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