Finding Power in Imposter Syndrome: A Soul Connection Call with Vince Warnock
Have you ever felt like you didn't belong in a room full of successful people? Or questioned whether you deserved your achievements? In this powerful Soul Connection Call, I sat down with Vince Warnock to explore how we can transform our relationship with imposter syndrome and use it as a signal that we're exactly where we need to be.
Episode Highlights:
How childhood experiences shape our relationship with success and self-worth
The unexpected gift of imposter syndrome as a growth indicator
Why living according to societal definitions of success often leads to unfulfillment
The importance of acknowledging and befriending our fears
How helping others find their voice can be the most fulfilling path
Key Insights from Our Conversation
One of the most powerful revelations from our discussion was how imposter syndrome can actually be a compass pointing us toward growth. As I shared during our conversation: "That feeling that you're experiencing imposter syndrome is actually the signal that we are exactly where we need to be because we're actually pushing towards our purpose."
Vince's story about leaving his high-paying corporate position to help others publish their stories particularly resonated with me. It perfectly illustrated how true fulfillment often comes from living in alignment with our values rather than societal expectations of success.
Imposter Syndrome can sneak in at any level of success.
Powerful Quotes to Remember
I believe this quote from our conversation captures a crucial truth: "Those of us that experience this imposter syndrome and it does hold us back, usually are the ones that have the most heart opening service and value to bring the world in a, in an actually, life affirming and life changing way."
Vince shared a perspective that changed how many view imposter syndrome: "Every time I was feeling those self doubts... now I can turn that around and say, well, Hey, that's just an indicator that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."
A Personal Note
Me with my novel.
What struck me most about this conversation was the parallel between Vince's journey and my own experience with publishing my debut novel. We both understood that putting ourselves out there, despite the fear and doubt, matters. Every voice has the potential to create impact and change.
Want to Dive Deeper?
If this resonated with you, I encourage you to watch the full episode on our YouTube channel. You'll get to experience the raw emotion and deeper insights that emerged during our conversation. Don't forget to subscribe to our channel to catch upcoming podcast episodes, masterclasses, and rituals as they're released. Together, we can transform our relationship with imposter syndrome and step more fully into our purpose.
All My Love,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
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*Transcript was created in Descript and may not be 100% accurately transcribed.
Owning Imposter Syndrome with Vince Warnock & Safrianna Lughna
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Safrianna: Welcome back to another Soul Connection call. I am Safrianna Luna and I am joined here today by Vince Warnock. I am so happy to have you here with me, Vince. The moment I met you, I knew we needed to have more conversations.
So please go ahead and introduce yourself for our audience today.
Vince: Hey everyone. I'm Seth Stoddard. Twin brother, it seems we're pretty much separated at birth. Now I'm visible. I'm the, I'm based in Australia. I'm actually a New Zealander based in Australia. I'm the founder of ATG publishing, which is a publishing company that help entrepreneurs to tell their story to get published and be positioned as a thought leader.
I'm the host of the chase and the insights podcast and a host of other things as well. I'm. I have ADHD. I like to keep really busy, it seems. Yeah.
Safrianna: One of the things we have in common because yeah, I'm Safriyana Luna, the Queer Spirit Guide. I'm an author, a speaker, a CEO, a guide, a retired therapist, a, list down the lines.
I'm so curious, Vince, do you know your human design by chance?
Vince: I don't know. It's one of the few ones I haven't done.
Safrianna: Yeah. I love personality systems and like things that don't necessarily block us into this is how you have to be forever. But the, Oh, huh. I never thought about myself in that way before.
And I'm a manifesting generator in human design and they are like constantly having new ideas flowing in. So that with ADHD,
Vince: I'm pretty sure I'm probably that. Yeah. I
Safrianna: feel that.
Vince: I'm fascinated by them as well. The only one I don't, I'm not particularly fond of Myers Briggs because of what you said.
That does box you in. It says this is who you are, how you rather than here's how you predominantly behave in a situation or here's how you might think and or react to a situation.
Safrianna: It's
Vince: quite like Enneagram, just profiling. As long as it's done right, it can be really good.
Safrianna: Yes, done right. And that gets us into the topic that we agreed to springboard from.
When I do these Soul Connection calls, we just pick a loose topic to just start the conversation, and we picked owning imposter syndrome. And, that, that personality test, sometimes that can really lead to a sense of wrongness. If, We're in an off mood when we take the quiz or we're assigned wrong or whatever And so I just think that's interesting what layers into imposter syndrome, but vince like you're such a successful guy by you know Seemingly societal standards you really put yourself out there You have a 1.
5 top podcast like you've helped all these small businesses get their footing and start going in the world. So was it always this way? Did you find yourself contending with that?
Vince: No and, we are going to be talking about impostor syndrome. That is with you no matter what. It doesn't matter how supposedly successful you are.
There's always a part of me that feels like it, always a part of me that feels like I don't deserve what I've got. But more importantly, that everyone's going to find out you're such a fraud. Once you have no idea what you're doing, you're making up as you go. And it's been amazing since a child as well.
I do want to touch on one other thing you talked about. The different personality types in relation to imposter syndrome, I think is a really important point too, because I saw this, I was the chief marketing officer at Cigna insurance. We went through the disk profiling there and what I found really interesting was, first of all, the person that took us through it was terrible and they had no idea what they were doing.
But it very much did box people in, even though disk profiling is not designed. But what I noticed was there was a whole pile of people, because if you're familiar with disk profiling, there's D, E, I, S, and C. I'm very high. I'm the kind of party goer, what, I want to take a hill and bring everyone with me and have some fun along the way, that the D types are more of your Dominant personality.
There are more of the people that are like, Hey, they're very ambitious. They're very competitive, et cetera. And those people in the room didn't want to be there. And every single person in there would be jealous of one of the other. Aspects of just profiling. So they would try and answer questions. And in fact, one of them, we had a great example where they said, Hey you're definitely a D to our chief financial officer.
He's I am not. Thank you very much. I'm definitely an eye. And I was the eye and we had a C and a S and a C. And they got us up to tell a story. And when the D started, it actually sounded like you might be right because he started off and he said, Hey, I remember a time my wife and I, all you had to do is tell a story about something you're really proud.
He has remember a time my wife and I were in Amsterdam and both of us, had been eating poorly and drinking a lot and all this in our younger days before kids, he said, and we realized that, we need to do something about that. So I sat down with my wife and I'm thinking, this doesn't sound like Brady.
He goes, I sat down with my wife and I decided, right. Here's a plan. So I created a plan and the two of us were to stick to that plan. And I was going to, and I was like, Oh, he's a D. But it was interesting to see the way that you tell the story, told your personality type, people that imposter syndrome got on top of people just because of who they are.
And I thought that was fascinating. And this is a very successful CFO, very sought after globally. And he was riddled with it as well. So for me, it very much goes back to childhood. I grew up in a not very nice environment. I won't give all the details, but it was in poverty and a very abusive father.
He was a drug addict that had just come out of jail when they basically adopted me. And yeah, growing up in an environment where you constantly feel like you don't, constantly feel like you're not enough is a horrible thing for a child to do. And you learn behaviors based on it. So I remember finding myself as a young kind of entrepreneur, and we I won tickets, Seth, I won tickets to a business lunch.
No, business breakfast, sorry, business breakfast. Yeah, I was poor back then, right? I was a very young entrepreneur, poor and no money, no food, nothing. So I'm like, first of all, I'm going somewhere where there's free food and free drink. Oh, hell yeah, I'm going to enjoy this. But it was a guy who was one of the regional execs from Adobe.
And I was like, you know what? I want to be successful. I'm going to absorb everything that this guy teaches. I'm going to eat all of the food. I'm going to drink all of the drink. I'm going to have a wonderful time because I won this. The problem with that is I knew that everyone that turned up there was going to basically be in a suit.
They were all business executives. So I didn't own a suit, so I went down to the local thrift shop, the local op shop we call it back in New Zealand. All I could afford was the, oh my goodness, the ugliest looking shiny silvery grey suit. It was double breasted, I do not suit double double breasted and a thin red tie.
That was the only thing I could get my hands on. It was terrible, and I had long hair tied in a
Safrianna: ponytail.
Vince: It was the epitome of the late 80s basically. So I was like, oh no. So I turned up to this event. I walked in there not feeling my best. And to me, every single person in that room were wearing Armani or, they totally worked, but that's how it looked to me.
Everybody there were the top of their game. Everyone there had their life sorted. They were all just, brilliant. And I'm sitting around this table feeling like I don't belong. And to make it worse, then, we've making some chitchat around the table. People ask what I do. And when I responded, it's like working in a corporate job, but I'm also trying to build my own business.
You see them all roll their eyes a little bit. So now I'm feeling very insecure. Yeah. So anyway, this guy got up and spoke and an articulate speaker. He was amazing. I was so enthralled by what he shared. And he finished off a session. I was taking pages and pages of notes. It seemed to be the only one taking notes to that table, but so pages and pages of notes.
And then he finished up and he said, look, I'm going to come around each of the table. If you've got any questions. And that was hilarious. I remember this internal conversation with my brain goes, dude, this is it. You've got to ask something really intelligent and that he's going around the tables and everything.
And I'm like yeah. And he goes, don't make a fool of yourself, man. Like now's your chance to make sure you feel like you belong. Ask something really intelligent. And as I'm going through this conversation, my head, I turn around and I realized he's standing right next to me and he goes, Oh, any questions?
And all that came out of my mouth, because my mouth engaged without my brain At what point, with my squeaky kind of voice as well, at what point did you know that you'd made it? And at the point that I said that, somebody at the table went, and they all rolled their eyes, and I felt so small, I wanted to run from that red cry, I wanted to hide under a table in fetal position, I just felt so, my brain basically just went, dude, you had one job, like seriously, we just talked about this.
But his response floored me, because he turned around and said, ah, now that's actually a very good question.
So all of a sudden I'm feeling a little bit better about myself and he goes, I'm going to let you into a little secret. And I went, Oh my goodness, like this is a top entrepreneur giving me his secrets.
And he goes, I'm going to let you know my morning routine. Now at that point, I, we really in the industry and only just heard about the fact that morning routines make us the entrepreneur.
Safrianna: So I'm
Vince: like, Oh my goodness, I'm writing down every single thing he sees right now. I'm going to steal this.
I'm going to be successful. It's going to be amazing. So yes, that's it. Every morning, I get up deliberately early. So I'm writing down deliberately early. I'm like, Oh, this is good. And he goes, all right. I get out of bed. I go straight to the bathroom. I'm like, interesting. Let's go make a coffee. Check the email.
So, back then it was, check the mail. He goes, but I go to the bathroom. He goes, I fill up the sink with cold water. Cold water. And I'm thinking to my brain, do I ask him exactly what temperature? No. We should be able to wing this. That's right down cold water. He goes, I splashed that water on my face.
Splashed on my face. And he goes, I look in the mirror and I look in the mirror and he goes, and I say, ha, today's the day they find out you're a
Safrianna: four.
Vince: And I went, what? And he goes, Oh, but I've never felt like I made it. He goes, man, I came from nothing. He said, when you come from nothing, you don't feel like you deserve it.
Even though I have to remind myself every morning of what I've accomplished, what I'm like, who I am and the fact that I've got this. But then he turned around and he said, every single person at this table goes through those self doubts. When he did that, he did two things. First of all, I looked around the table and realized these people that I thought had their life sorted were in Armani suits and everything were all nodding.
And I'm like, wait, so it equalized the entire table. It did two things. Well, one for one, it made me realize that there was something that was causing me to feel those ways. Understand and deal with. The other thing is that equalized everything. It made me realize I've got as much right to be at this table as any other person here.
Yeah, probably more so in hindsight because I really wanted it and some of those people were there because they, just the free breakfast and things like that. So that started my journey of understanding what we hadn't actually put a label on back then, which was imposter syndrome. Fast forward many different examples of it.
So I remember when I put my first book out. It should be a huge accomplishment for anybody like any of you that haven't published a book the moment you're holding that in your hand and by the way it's not that hard to write but anyway the moment you hold that in your hand the cheesy grin on your face that feeling of accomplishment should be incredible.
And for me, it was a, it was a long, hard work, especially as a child with ADHD. I was told I was never, I would never read or write properly. In fact, I was told by a teacher this back in the seventies, by the way, I was told by a teacher that I was retarded because I couldn't write. Cause apparently that's socially acceptable.
Safrianna: Yeah, it sure was.
Vince: Yeah, exactly. It's the stupid things they spoke. But anyway, so this is a huge accomplishment. I finally did it. And I had lined up interviews with. Forbes, entrepreneur, magazine, CIO magazine, digital and all these like interviews lined up and it should be in a huge moment. So somebody had said to me, don't do a book launch.
Nobody does book launches. And I'm like, don't tell me nobody. All of a sudden I'm like, I'm a marketer. This is what I do for a living. Yeah, hold my beer. I've got this. So organize this event. And we had a local interior. Had a hundred or so people there that came from all over New Zealand, Further afield to come and celebrate this with me and it was an amazing night everyone was so supportive and so loving and I got to tell the story of writing the book and everything and got to thank everyone there because there were people that I hadn't seen in years it was awesome but at the end everyone was like hey we'd love a signed copy of the book which I knew and I'd rationalized in my head I thought right okay everyone's going to want that because that's what I would want so I had a pile of books there bought myself a fancy new pen and I'm signing away all these books saying, Hey, thank you so much for your support.
But every single one of them said words along the lines of, Oh, thanks. Vince. I can't wait to read it. Every time they said that my stomach knotted like to the point where I thought I was going to throw up and all of these thoughts started swirling in my head Oh no, that's right. They're going to read it.
They're going to know you're a fraud or they're going to read it and think, what an amateur or what right do you think you have to write a book? And these thoughts swirled in my head all night. I went home. I couldn't sleep. I should have been I'm a high extrovert. I should have been buzzing all night and go, yeah, but I was feeling ill.
The next morning I sabotaged myself and I contacted all those magazines and said, I'm sorry, I'm too busy because I was the chief marketing officer at the time. Way too busy. I'm not going to be able to do the interview. And it wasn't for about probably two weeks. I basically went quiet, wouldn't want to talk about the book for about two weeks.
And one of my mentors contacted me. And he was like, Hey Vince, I noticed you've gone silent on social. What's going on? I said, Oh, it's all good. I'm just super busy. He goes, Oh yeah. Well, how are the book sales going? So I told him, he's Oh, that's actually pretty good. We hit bestseller. So that was awesome.
And he goes, Oh, that's really good. He goes, but I've noticed no price out there. What's going on? I said, Oh, no, it's all good. I'm just relying on word of mouth. I'm too busy. He goes, yeah I'm going to call BS on that. And this is a guy who has. Published eight New York Times best selling books.
This guy, well, he was coming up to his eighth book. And somebody who I respect very much, he said to me, Look, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Secret again? I just get all these secrets from people. And he basically told me exactly what I was going through. Because that's what he goes through every single time he publishes a book.
And that's what made me realize that we're all the same again. And I realized that a few things happened with that call actually. First of all, I realized the more we talk about this stuff, The easier it is to deal with because we expose it to the bike, which I think is really
Safrianna: important.
Vince: The other thing that I realized is I'm not alone.
I'm really not alone. And I was booked booked for a conference the following week. And I was the opening keynote there. It was supposed to be, it was a marketing conference. So I asked them if I could switch up my presentation and they were like, yep, do whatever you want. I said, cool. They trusted me.
That was cool. So instead of talking about marketing, I talked about fear, Foster syndrome. And I just winged it. Got up there in front of people just basically did all the things you're not supposed to do as a public speaker. I got up and got an audience engagement and ask them questions and things like that, which is always risky.
But I, in fact, I talked to them about this concept of fearlessness. And I said, Oh, anyone know what fearless means? All these hands went up and I said, yes. And someone said, Oh, it means the absence of fear. Interesting answer. Great. Next person. Oh, it means you have no fear. You can face things confidently.
Oh, great. Good answer. And they all answered similar kind of things to that. And I said, the problem with that is the concept of being fearless is not being without fear. It means that you're not helpless. The actual term was you're not, which we all had a chunk of. So not under the bondage of fear. And then I asked them, I said to them, I'm going to prove a point here.
I said, I'm going to hand pick three of you from within, and I'm going to get you up here on stage. And you're going to speak to this audience of and you could hear the whole gasp across the room of everyone freaking out. And I went, whoa, that was interesting. That was such a visceral response.
I said what was everyone feeling? And I got people to feed back on this and they started getting really into it. And somebody said, oh, my stomach hurts. Somebody else said, I thought I was going to throw up the thought of it. Somebody else said, Oh, my heart started racing. There was what else was there?
My brain went foggy. My hands started getting sweaty and all this kind of stuff. And I said, interesting. I said, now these are all results. When I explained what was happening, there is, this is a physical reaction to, right, this is all the signals. I said, does anyone know what the these are the physiological Does anyone know what the physiological response is to being excited?
It's like being overexcited about something. And someone's Oh yeah. You get like a racing heart. And I said yeah. And you get a knotted stomach. Yeah. Oh, sweaty hands. Yeah. Oh, your brain gets a bit foggy because you're too excited. Yeah. And I explained to them the concept that all of these things are signals to the brain, but you choose to define what those signals are.
And for most of you, when you heard public speaking, you defined all of those signals So I talked to them out there talking about imposter syndrome after that conference, I walked out because we had to go into that breakout room, walked out of the main auditorium, but I was a bit late and I walked down there was a bunch of young marketers there.
And one of them came up to them, this guy and he was like, Oh, you're right, man. And he goes, Oh yeah, I just been in the bathroom. And they said, yeah, you're in there a long time kind of thing. And I was like, Oh, and he goes, Oh yeah, I had to have a bit of a, and I was like, Oh, no, stopped.
They didn't see me. So back to why I love that. And he goes, Yeah, I just, hearing all that, I realized how much I've sabotaged my life. I was only a young guy and I was like, oh man, and that's when I realized speaking about this stuff helps people. All of us talking about it helps people. So I went on a quest from there.
So that's the start of my journey around imposter syndrome. And then from there, it was just really deeply trying to understand what it is, because when you understand what something is, you can help to deal with it and things like that as well.
Safrianna: Yeah, thank you for sharing all of that. A just highlights how much Yes, like we have these very fascinating parallels.
Because, very similar story with growing up in poverty and I was gonna
Vince: say, I'm pretty sure we was hip reddit at
Safrianna: birth. When I would finally get something nice, there would always be something attached to it that made it not so nice when, I was little. So, of course, growing up it was like, my success has to come with something.
I remember very similarly to that, that first big event, I was always the one taking the notes and I'm going to take advantage of this because I don't know if I'm ever going to have this opportunity again. And I was nominated for teacher It was called Teacher of Promise, and it was like, you were identified by your college as the Teacher of Promise.
They thought you were going to go on to be a Teacher of the Year, and so I was selected for my university, I went to this thing, and very similar I'm wearing, thrift store outfits, and I'm in there I had no idea what I was doing in this like banquet seating with all the, this expensive stuff.
And and I just remember the core message that I took away from there just being like, go forth and, share and teach and shine your light in the world and bring up this next generation. And of course, none of that happened in the public school system. And I could go on a rant about that, but, this truth that you've gotten to, Is we're all sharing these universal experiences and so many of us are just so terrified to talk about them Because we don't want to show our own fear our own shame our own disappointment and so we just hide it and That makes it fester and boil and us and become So unhealthy.
Versus, that young man that heard you speak and actually absorbed that. He may have been able to go on and not continue that pattern because you dared to speak on it.
Vince: Yeah, and by the way, it was petrified to speak on it because I'm like, I'm way out of my comfort zone right now I'm just no idea what I'm doing
Safrianna: Well, that's it.
We do it scared until I mean I still I was catching up with a friend earlier and she's Yeah, I'm just afraid to keep going live on my Socials and stuff. And I was like, I get you. Three years ago you would not have seen me live on social media. And now I do podcasts all the time.
And I talk and I have 108, I was telling her, I was like, I have 180 YouTube videos somehow now I don't know how that happened. And most of them are me. And I still. To this day, do it scared. When I go live, I always have a little bit of anxiety that's present and excitement, right? They're dancing together, two sides of the same coin and I move forward anyway.
So I love that you defined that fearlessness, because I think a lot of people have that misconception that it just means you won't feel fear. But I always say it's like learning to bring your fear along, like a little kid that's you're holding them, you're like, it's okay, buddy. Like I've got you, but you're still doing the thing.
Like you're still the adult. You're still moving forward. So that
Vince: was a really important purpose for us and imposter syndrome does as well. This is a kind of crazy concept. I still remember I had a revelation back in 2018 where I was asked to speak at a conference in San Francisco. So I was like, okay, based in New Zealand, that's a long way to go.
But of course, I'm definitely going to be there. And it was Adobe and they were like, yeah, but we really need you to speak here. And I said yeah, I'm coming. They said yeah we'll fly you a business class. We'll put you up in a five star hotel. And I'm like business class on an 18 hour flight.
Oh, hell yeah. That's going to be awesome. But I said, yeah, I'm definitely coming. They said, but you have to be here. They made such a point of it. And I'm like, yeah, well, this is really odd. Anyway I fly. That was an amazing flight. And I, it was the first time I actually, I've flown a business class. If you haven't flown business class, Oh my goodness.
You'd never want to fly anything. Every literally every time I finished a scotch, like my cup, my glass would be filled up again. I'm like, this is like magic scotch. I got up to go to the bathroom and all of a sudden there's an attendant right next to me saying, would you like me to make out your bed?
And I'm like, What is your beard? And suddenly, because that was only in New Zealand, the seats turn into beards and everything. And I'm like, this is freaking fantastic. That's amazing. Anyway, got to San Francisco, got to the conference I'm on stage and they opened the conference to CEO comes out and he said, look we, we've got keynote speakers.
It was a five day event. We've got 25 keynotes over those five days. Plus all the breakout sessions and they had 25 expert keynotes. And then they had some celebrities like Jamie Foxx and some Olympic athletes. But he got all the 25 experts out on stage. Yeah, these are your 25 keynotes. He said, what we haven't told these people is a very specific reason we invited each of them.
And that's because we've launched a program to recognize the top 50 marketers in the world. And here's your first 25. And I'm standing there now. My brain is now going into weird mode. I'm so, first of all, I'm like, lucky bastard. So wow. And then I'm like, wait a minute. I'm one of those 25. And then I'm going, Oh no, they got the wrong guy.
And I'm not even joking, like seriously, I was there going, Oh man, I need to get off this stage. Then I looked, one of the, one of the ashes was coming forward and indicating to me and I'm like, Oh no, he's trying to kick me off. So I started trying to hide behind some of the other speakers up there and if anyone was watching it from the audience, they would see me moving awkwardly around all these people.
Cool. But he was actually trying to usher me forward on the stage because the CEO wanted it. And so anyway, I'm imposter syndrome screaming. We had a session there. So, got off stage and all this kind of stuff. I'm still in doubt of all this thing. I'm on stage with all my heroes, Seth Godin, Brian Solis, all the heroes in marketing.
I've read every single Anyway, after that I'm going to some of the sessions. I'm doing my session. There was a woman who was a researcher on Boston drugs. I sat in her session going, Hey, this would be useful information. At the end of that session, I was so torn up on this rebel. I felt very exposed.
I suddenly was ripped open. You can see my innards because I've, basically she was just talking about me, according to me. So I went to, I wanted to get in the next session. I couldn't, I just had to leave. There was a Starbucks there and I feel real sorry for the young girl that was working there because I sat around the corner and she'd keep coming over and be going you okay?
And I'm there with tears down my face going, I'm fine. I'm just re evaluating my life. And I was a mess in there, but it was a revelation. The whole conference was a revelation because I started to realize that all of these things that I was feeling. All this imposter syndrome, exactly like the anxiety you talked about before, they were all very important signals to me, because if you understand what fear and what imposter syndrome is, they're very similar in what they are.
They're basically your brain trying to keep you safe. So my brain was going, Hey, Vince, guess what? You're well and truly out of your comfort zone, right? Like you're very exposed and I want to keep you safe and bundled up over here and hidden from everyone so that no one can speak anything. No one can say you're a fraud and all this.
So I want to keep you protected. So come away over here. But in actual fact, I'm an entrepreneur. And in fact, I'm a human being, which means I'm supposed to live outside of my country. That's where growth happens. That's where breakthrough happens. That's where prosperity happens. Everything that's important to us happens out of our comfort zone.
We don't meet the love of our life unless we take a risk and take a chance and get out of
Safrianna: Yeah.
Vince: So all of a sudden I'm starting to realize that all of these things I was feeling were just my brain's way of saying, Hey, Vince, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Right. And when I understood that I started to realize I could embrace that.
And when I started to realize that every time I was feeling those self doubts and all that stuff that normally I would be crippled by, or normally I would sabotage myself. Now I can turn that around and say, well, Hey, that's just an indicator. That I'm a okay that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. So I got to do like you're talking about with carrying that fear on your shoulder.
I got to turn around to my imposter syndrome and say, Hey, dude, seriously, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you trying to keep me safe. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm okay. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. It will be all right. And I got to counsel myself. I treated my imposter syndrome like a companion.
And it
Safrianna: was like, yeah, you're
Vince: all good. You're all good. Gave it a little hug and all that kind of stuff. So there was a wild ride of understanding all of that.
Safrianna: Yeah. And that's you're saying so many words that I've shared. Such similar things with people before about how that feeling, those somatic, like fear signals or, anxiety, imposter syndrome.
I call these parts. My dear friend red would call them the entities within, the little beings in us. That are more complex than just one unit. We have all these different parts of us that argue and have different feelings, right? And when we're able to be compassionate with them, whatever they are, it completely changes power dynamic because when we're either argumentative or we're trying to shut down or trying to turn away, That gives them so much power and control in the system to just come in and run amok.
And, with imposter syndrome, those, I especially with imposter syndrome, feel like that is the signal that we are exactly where we need to be because we're actually pushing towards our purpose. Because it's like saying I'm afraid of this because it's my next big great breakthrough. It is my next big move It's going to be the thing that's going to level me up and it's scary to stretch You know, I use the metaphor of the butterfly all the time and the stages that we go through and we go through this stage over and over right the caterpillar kind of consumes and takes in information and then we go within the chrysalis to process and say what's actually me and what's not and we Remake ourselves the butterfly and we emerge You And then we do it all over again because we're constantly expanding and growing into our next phase.
So if we stopped feeling these feelings, life would also get very stagnant. There'd be no growth.
Vince: I love that metaphor of the butterfly. Actually. That's so cool. I did have I had a moment if we're, I was helping another entrepreneur, I was coaching them and they were going through their own self doubts.
It's one of those moments where you're teaching somebody else, something that's clearly obvious to you. But then it's reflected back on you. And you're like, Oh, wow. I'm not so obvious when it's on
Safrianna: right. But with
Vince: this person, they were talking about the facts. They were actually a little bit jealous of somebody else.
Right. And I do this all the time as well. You always look at other entrepreneurs and go, Oh man, I wish I had what they had or wish I had the size of the business they had or that those clients that they've got. I wish I had those skills that they've got. It's always looking at what we think we don't.
But this person was having a pity party on that. They're like, Oh, it's not fair. I want, I'm fine.
Safrianna: I might.
Oh, your signal went out for a hot second, but I think it's back.
Vince: Okay. We're back. We're live. Yeah. Yeah. So now I'm helping them. They're having this pity party and they're going, oh, it's not fair, and then I was trying to explain to them and they, the person they were pointing out was Russell Brunson.
And and I've met Russell a number of times and had a chat with them and things. And yeah, Russell is a really interesting use case around this or case study around this because first of all, I don't, Particularly like his business. I like him as an individual. He's actually a very nice guy when you talk to him, but I don't like his business model, like the cultish kind of aspect of that, I think it's really unhealthy and I've said that to his face.
So that's not me speaking out of turn there.
Safrianna: Yeah,
Vince: exactly. Yes. Yeah. Don't use click funnels everyone. It's stupid. Anyway, for many different reasons, but anyway, if you want to talk to me and I'll tell you what, but but anyway, Russell was a really interesting example as well, because. On paper, if you analyze myself, it's my client, so you analyze any of us on paper, there's really not that much difference between other than different experiences and things that it's really, but Russell was really interesting because he went, he wants it to be an entrepreneur.
And he shared with me he showed me the first ever presentation that he did. And oh my goodness, it was so embarrassingly awkward. It was hilarious. But he shared that and, said, Hey, that's my first ever, and now look what I've done. Anyway, so he always wanted to be an entrepreneur.
So he went to university and, yeah, and all this. And basically got told to leave. And the dean had said to him, look, first of all, you're not going to succeed. You're not going to pass. You're not going to succeed. You're not going to make a, you're not even going to make a good marketer, let alone an entrepreneur.
Which I thought was a weird phrasing. So, so he was booted out of the university and he went now at that point, you can choose what, how to deal with that information and you can choose to accept that, or in his case, he turned around and went, screw you, I'll prove you wrong. So he went ahead and he built what is now a 400 million, two or three shareholders, he's the majority shareholder.
So, so he's doing okay for himself, and he's built multiple. But the interesting thing there is the only difference between him and say myself was He just went out there and did it. And even though he felt the fear, he felt the doubt, he had all those words spoken over him, even though all of those different things, he said, you know what, all of that has happened to me, all of that is on me.
All of that has spoken over me. All of those feelings are inside me, but I'm still going to press him and do it anyway. That was the only difference. So when I highlighted that to a client, it was like, I got off the call and then sat there and went, wow, I think I was actually coaching myself.
Safrianna: I love those moments.
Vince: Yeah, exactly.
Safrianna: Yeah, and that imposter syndrome can absolutely get us so frozen where we're like, I can't take action. It's not my action to take. But that sign that you're even thinking about, it probably means it is your action to take. And some of us, can get out of that without support from other people and some of us need that support.
So I love that you've been, a voice for so many founding, founding businesses, startup businesses and whatnot. Like I'm, I don't imagine that is the most lucrative possible marketing thing you could have done, but what helped you find the passion for helping startups and whatnot?
I'm just really
Vince: I'm going to take you all the way back to age 11. Growing up in a horrible environment, growing up in abuse at home, you learn to adapt very quickly. And one of the things I realized I had five sisters and a brother and All of us in a, what was that? Three bedroom home. So very small three bedroom home.
So my dad, I wasn't actually a parent's child. I was my parents figured out you can foster and adopt kids and get money for them, which, is really good when you get a drug. So, so all of a sudden they were like, well, what do we do with the boy? Because at the time I was the, They were like my dad found this old caravan that had no insulation, no electricity, anything like that.
So he was like, okay, well, it wasn't wired up. So he goes, Oh, I'll get that. We'll buy it. We'll put it on the property and then the boy can go and sleep in it. And that's what he always called me as the boy. So I found myself at age seven, put out into this caravan with no, like I said, no insulation middle of winter.
I would wake up with ice on my chest. It was so bad. So I had to try and wrap up more, but my survival instincts kicked in and I was a very bright child. So one day I thought that's it. I need some kind of power. I need to be able to warm myself. I need to be able to do something, So in the middle of the night, I stayed up all night when my parents had finally gone to sleep because you can see their light goes off.
I dug a trench from under my caravan into underneath their house. And I laid wires, I got these old extension cords and everything, and laid those wires out, and I wired up underneath the house, basically wired up the caravan so that I was tapped into their power, and then I blacked out my window so they couldn't actually see, so they didn't know that I had power and all this kind of stuff.
This is age 7. I know, I was like, this
Safrianna: is, he's clearly a teen at this point, no, oh god. Age
Vince: 7, age 7. So, so I learned to adapt very quickly. And then come age 10 something interesting happens. So my dad, despite all of his faults, he wasn't completely bad. He was a rubbish truck driver and did commercial rubbish.
And he went to what was our local IBM actually their big manufacturing plant in New Zealand. And what they would do is they would buy competitive products, bring them in, analyze them and throw them out. And they got these things called Sinclair ZX81s, which for anyone who knows computers is, I'm dating myself really majorly here.
But these were some of the first ever personal computers. They were these silly little units. They had rubber keys and all this that always got stuck and they had analyzed them and there were three of them there. They threw them out. My dad was like, I don't know what this is. It's got buttons. I'll get it for the boy.
So he threw these things at me and he's here you go. Play with these kind of thing. I looked at them and knew what they were because I read a lot and I was like, this is so exciting. So I tried to get them working. They didn't work. And then I figured out what was wrong with them. So I fixed them.
So I fixed these things and then kids at school when I was age 10, they were like, oh man, I want one of those. So they would talk to their parents and I sold them to these kids at school. I sold them to their parents. And then I had enough money to buy a Commodore 64, which was my dream. So I bought this Commodore 64, and then I realized that all of the software and all of the games, if any of you are old enough to remember the Commodore 64, are all based on cassette tape.
So I thought, well, cassette tapes, they're just ferrite based systems, they can be copied. So my first business started when I was 10 and that was me basically pirating video games and software. I had no moral compass. So please don't judge me.
Safrianna: To me, this is a child who is figuring out how to get by in a cold, hard world, right?
That's exactly what it was.
Vince: Yeah. By the way, it was also a child that succeeded dramatically from that little venture because I had enough money. I ended up buying my own TV, a little wee 14 inch TV and a VHS back then, which was very expensive. And even a little heater for my caravan. So I made a bit of money off that, but then, so I've, I learned to adapt and I learned that making money was important.
So that's the entrepreneurial aspect that came in because it made me self sufficient and not reliant on. People that would take advantage of me. But then another significant thing happened at age 11. And that was that I went from being at what we call a New Zealand primary school or else in the world.
But basically that's like age five to age 10. And then we go to, yeah, elementary. There you go. And then we go to a thing called intermediate, which was age 11 and 12. And then we go, which is like a transition school. And then we go to what we call college, but everyone else calls high school. So there we go.
We're language differences, but I'm at, but I'm at this transitional school and all of a sudden I found something at school that was horrifying to me because school was always a happy place because I'm away from abuse.
Safrianna: Suddenly
Vince: I had a bully. And I had someone who for two years made my life. But I also found that despite all of that turmoil, there was a teacher there that was just had a profound impact on my life.
He was amazing. And he I still remember I was such a cheeky little kid. Cause I was quite bright as well. We're talking, we're doing these school projects. We have to do a little wee. Brochure about something in the oral presentation was going in and the class and all the boys did sharks and spiders.
Cause you know, because we're doing horses and things. It was a very different time. But anyway, I was doing, I think I was doing sharks, but he said, Oh, don't forget you have to do your oral presentation. I did a little under my breath, scoff him and he goes, what was that? And he called me out on it. And I said, Oh, so I doubled down and I said, well, come on.
Why do we have to do an oral presentation? And he said, it's going to prepare you for the real world. And I said, when are any of us going to have the opportunity to speak like that? And he goes, interesting. And he got this little wry smile on his face and he goes, how about now come up the front? And he put me up in front of the class and now he only did this because he knew me well enough to know that I wasn't myself or if I was going to own it.
He got me up in front of the class and he said, okay, class, this is going to speak for five minutes, which is a long time when you've got no preparation and you're
Safrianna: 11 years old. Right.
Vince: Speak for five minutes. What topic is he going to speak on? And, creative 11 year old, someone yells out an egg. He goes, okay, I'm actually going to speak about an egg for five minutes.
And I went, what? And he goes, you've got 20 seconds to prepare. And that he threw me under the bus deliberately. Right. And I'm like, I'm panicking. I'm panicking. Then he goes, right. Start. And the only thing in my head, the only thing I could think of was that stupid saying what came first, the chicken or the egg.
So that came out and then my brain went into this other, and suddenly words are flowing and I start talking about all these things. So I'm going off all of these tangents and I realized. I can make a little funny comments and then everyone would laugh and I'll make another comment. They'll go like this.
And I it was like pulling strings and I just suddenly found myself in this zone and really enjoying it. We got to the end. He goes you got 20 seconds left and I finished with, I have no idea what anything I talked about. All I remember is the beginning at the end, but I finished with, so obviously the chicken came first and everyone cracked up and I was, it was a rush.
I tell you I imagine it's what heroin feels like,
Safrianna: never done
Vince: heroin, but imagine what it feels like. It's a rush. But I'm there buzzing and he turned around and he grabbed me by the shoulders. Not in a bad way, but he grabbed me by the shoulders. He got down on his knee at my yard and said, that was awesome.
I said, Oh thanks. He goes, no, listen to me. He goes, you've got a gift. You could do something significant with your life. And that was a moment that was so bizarre to me because, and I still remember it so vividly because I had this weird feeling on the inside, like bubbly feeling and I'm like, What is this?
And I realized for the first time in my life, I felt like I had hope and I felt like somebody believed in me. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I had value. And that feeling was so tangible and so impactful to me. It did two things. It made me realize that I don't have to be defined by my situation or my past.
I should have been a statistic, right? In fact, a lot of my sisters became statistics. It was a horrible environment and most of my friends were going through it, no matter what I went through, my friends around me, we grew up in a very impoverished area. They were all going through child abuse and all going through all sorts of stuff.
And a lot of them became statistics as well, but it made me realize I don't have to be that. But it also then inspired me because I'm like, well, I want everybody else to feel that feeling. I want other people to feel that inspiration and feel like there's hope and that they can write their own story. So that was at age 11, it started my kind of journey.
It didn't mean I automatically nailed all that by the way. I went through a whole pile of stuff and have to deal with, my own traumas and deal with, my own self limiting beliefs and all these. But it started me on that journey and that's what has driven my path now. I still remember being chief marketing officer at Cigna Insurance.
I'm like, right, I'm sitting there and what is for marketers, the dream job, right? Pay is ludicrous. If you know what a fortune 100 pays their C suite. It's disgusting.
Safrianna: I'm yeah, I'm going to say I'm sure I would just cry a little.
Vince: Yeah, I was, I actually genuinely was embarrassed by it. And I'm not just saying that I really was embarrassed.
I refused to look at my bank account at the time. But we also got multiple bonuses a year, like three bonuses a year. And I remember just thinking, right, on paper, this is the dream job, the pay, the bonuses. I got to travel the world, speaking on stages everywhere, published my first book when I'm there, that went bestseller.
Plus, I just, I got recognized by Adobe as soon as one of the top 25 technical marketers in the world. All of these things were massive accomplishments. I found myself in my office because I'm like, and I felt so guilty and so ashamed because I'm like, Everyone would kill for this job. I've got this job and I don't want it.
I was so unhappy. In fact, I found myself, we're sitting there in a, in an executive meeting, probably shouldn't share this, but anyway I'm going to but we're sitting there and a bonus was coming and that everyone started talking about what bonuses and we're waiting for the CEO 12 of us on the executive.
And I remember the head of sales and they're talking and they were like, Oh, someone said, what are you gonna do with yours? And he goes, Oh, I've got my eye on this McLaren, I've been wanting one for a long time. They're down to about half a million dollars now. So I'm thinking I might go and get one.
See, the irony is I'm too nervous to drive the thing. So it's just going to sit in my garage. And I remember that sitting with me going, what the hell is wrong with this picture? This is, you're going to spend half a million dollars on something that no one's seen. Or very few people see and then, I was talking about this and somebody popped up and said, Oh, what are you going to do with your husbands?
And I had no idea that I was getting more and more angry. And I snapped at them very out of character for me. But I snapped them and said, I don't know. I said, I want to take my wife on a cruise. I don't need a stupid bonus for that. And I'm like, where did that come from? And I realized I didn't belong.
And I also realized that I was incredibly unfulfilled. That's why I was unhappy. The reason I was unfulfilled is I'd stepped away from what was important to me, which is helping other people, inspiring them, giving them that feeling I had when I was 11 years old. So that became the easiest decision of my life.
I actually walked home that day. Got home and walked in the door. My wife just looked at me and said, you're not happy there at all. No, she goes, we need to make a change. No, we said, yep. And we, I basically told the CEO and said, that's it. I'm it's time for me to move on. She goes, no, it doesn't work that way.
If I want to leave, I'm going to leave. And she goes, no, you can't leave. I'm going to, and she goes, I don't understand. I said, I just, I need to move on to something else. She goes, but do you know how much we pay you? I said, yeah, but it's not about that. She goes, I don't get it. That's part of the reason I'm on.
And I now get to do whatever the hell I like, but I basically help people all over the world. It's the most insane feeling like that, like I said about holding a book in your hand. You've published a book, we get to help people publish and not just people. We've actually created the ADHD standard, which is a whole story in itself.
But we get to help ADHD entrepreneurs. We get to help people with dyslexia. We get to help people who have important stories to tell or have a really good contributions that are going to help other entrepreneurs. We focus mostly on that. We we help, publish those books and help those people be seen and be heard.
When they're holding that book in their hand, you're like, Oh my goodness. It's the best feeling ever. So. Yeah, completely fulfilling job. Yeah,
Safrianna: I love that. I need to share with you because I feel like you Will appreciate this and in my debut novel. Yeah, I wrote in my Acknowledgements to myself, to myself for showing up to do the work way to go you've wanted to have your very own published book in your hand since second grade and that moment has arrived Congratulations, and I can't wait to see where you're what you're going to write next that's you know You I wanted to acknowledge that in the book because it was that huge accomplishment and yes, the imposter syndrome hit, right after I'm like, does this really count?
Cause I self published it and all those silly questions, but it does putting ourselves out there in any capacity matters. And. Has the potential to have that impact. And you ultimately were speaking to values based living. You were not living within your values. Yes, you were making lots of money, but your value is helping people who have experienced not great conditions to liberate themselves or have, faced barriers that society doesn't acknowledge to be able to break free from that and still do what they want to do.
That's the life altering work out there, right? It's not, right. Having that half a million dollar bonus and being able to get an object.
Vince: I tell you in that half a million dollar bonus scenario, you just. You're not helping anyone. You're really just helping a bottom line. In fact, there was a kind of cap on that story as well, which is that when the CEO did come in, they were saying, Hey, look, good, but overheads are too high.
So I want each of you to, and this is going to affect our bonus. So I want each you to go back to your team. And I'm like, the hell? I have a high performing team, and I'm going to find someone so that I get my bonus?
Safrianna: Rather than not have
Vince: my bonus. It was just such a but I will share.
So, You talk about the acknowledgements in there I was just blown away. We love our work. One of my clients or one of our new clients that we signed he's an African American who grew up basically in and out of juvie, right? He was a problematic child and in a problematic environment, I should
Safrianna: say.
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Vince: So he wasn't problematic. It was just problematic environment. But anyway, so he grew up in this environment. And should have been a statistic. He ended up losing most of his family to tornadoes. It's a long story. It's a crazy story and involves huge amount of grace on his side as well.
Because the reason that they lost their life was they were denied entry to somewhere because, to a shelter when this tornado was hitting, because the woman went well, you're all black and I don't know you. You could be here to rape or rob us. You're like, I'm here with my family. And she goes, I'm sorry.
I can't take that risk. But instead of being better about all of that, he just got incredibly curious and what has hurt this woman enough that she would make those kind of prejudice in danger So I got very curious. So I thought his story is really important and we're going to be telling a story. He wanted to be an author.
Now he has dyslexia, right? He had learning difficulties. He's always struggled at school. Partly why I'm going to say about the circumstance. That's part of the circumstance. Then found himself in the army and he served in the army and He's this big buff guy seriously, very intimidating. No, big buff guy.
Marshmallow, he's total softie on the inside. But he's got a bunch of kids now, and he really wanted to publish. He started writing the book, and I remember when we had finished, and he published, he hit bestseller status, and we jumped on a call, and we were, I thought we were on the call to talk about his next book, and we're like, okay, well, let's prep for this, and he goes, I'm sorry, I just want to take a moment.
And I look, and He's on zoom with me and he's crying and I'm finding it hard to hold it together at this point because I always cry when I'm and I'm just sitting there and he goes, I did this, man, I'm an author. He said, I'm getting so much respect from people that I know and people saying, wow, I can't believe you did this.
He goes, I never even thought I was going to make anything of my life. And now I'm a bestselling author. And that was just so overwhelming for him. And I forgot what that feeling was like. This is. This is awesome. So at that point I just went.
Safrianna: Totally different feeling.
Vince: Oh, totally different feeling. Yeah. Very different from sitting in the office, writing a list of why I should love my, and I'm just sitting there going. This is a human's life that we've touched. This is somebody who we've given a sense of hope. Now, being an author is not the be all and end all of everything.
I'm very aware of that.
Safrianna: But
Vince: it's my contribution, and it's a way that we can help in that. It's so fulfilling.
Safrianna: It is not the be all end all, but it is for those of us who have that connection. I've had that calling since, like I said, second grade, and for so many of us especially for people like me, I grew up hearing you're never gonna make it, you're not gonna publish a book, no one's gonna read what you have to say, and that's not true, and people like you make it possible for those Like ourselves to get our voices out in the world.
So thank you, for what you do and how you serve with an open heart, but you were willing to break free from that forced narrative of this is success. And this is what, you've made it, you made it by societal standards, but that's. Not happiness. That's not joy. That's not fulfillment. So thank you for sharing that message and for all that you do in the world.
Vince: I really appreciate it. And I do want to honor you as well, Seth. And it's not just a love feast here, but as soon as you and I were introduced to each other, I'm like, this is such a kindred spirit. But the reason I felt that is because of how much you serve, how much you show up and push through so many different things to go, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to put my best self forward and I'm going to inspire and help others.
That should be, that's why I love that you, you did that in the acknowledgements of your book. I just freaking love that so much. I wish I had come up. It's totally stealing it for a future book I'm doing. I think everyone should
Safrianna: acknowledge themselves. Cause at the end of the day, if you're the writer, you were the one most.
Exactly.
Vince: I love that. Yeah. But no, I just really want to honor you as well.
Safrianna: Well, thank you. Yeah. We people with our open hearts need to band together because the world is a very heartbreaking place. And, that's the really ironic part of it all. Those of us that experience this imposter syndrome and it does hold us back, usually are the ones that have the most heart opening service and value to bring the world in a, in an actually, life affirming and life changing way.
And so, if you're listening to this and you're resonating with what's been shared, I hope that you will share your story and you will go out there and use your voice because your voice is so needed and so valuable.
Vince: It's so beautiful. I love that. Yep.
Safrianna: All right. Well, thank you so much, Vince, for joining me.
Thank you too. I know Tammy was watching us and a couple of other people popped in live. If you caught the replay, let us know. And if there's something you'd like to see a future soul connection call around feel free to let me know us know, maybe Vince will come back on if you have a good question but otherwise chasing the insights.
com where you can find out all about Vince and more about what he offers into the world. So until next time, thank you so much, Vince.
Vince: so much.
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