Breaking Free: How I Overcame Religious Trauma and Found My True Spiritual Path
Given I’m recording a podcast with Tai Goodwin today on religious trauma, I wanted to take some time to really reflect on where I’ve come from and where I’m going when it comes to spirituality.
Religious and spiritual trauma refers to the psychological and emotional distress caused by negative experiences within a religious or spiritual context. This can include:
Exposure to fear-based teachings or threats of divine punishment
Abuse or manipulation by religious authority figures
Strict adherence to rigid beliefs that suppress individual expression or critical thinking
Experiences of betrayal, ostracism, or abandonment by religious communities
The use of spiritual beliefs to justify or cover up abusive behaviors
Rejection or shaming based on one's identity, particularly LGBTQ+ identities
Such experiences can lead to lasting negative impacts on a person's mental health, self-esteem, and ability to form healthy relationships or connect with their own spirituality.
Heads Up: This blog will explore my own experiences of religious trauma and experiences, specifically with Christianity. Read on with this in mind, and remember that my stance is that every person has the right to believe as they believe but never to harm others because of their beliefs.
Seeds of Trauma
I was brought up on Christian ideals from a young age and had my first traumatic experiences around religion as early as 4. While I don’t possess many memories from my tumultuous and challenging childhood, I can clearly remember being huddled amongst my Lion King comforter, weeping and begging for God not to smite me.
Yes, by the age of 4 years old, I was already terrified and crying almost nightly about my wrongness. This is far before I realized I was “queer,” and long before society could rightfully judge me one way or another. I was 4. In what world is this considered a loving way to raise children?
The grooming started when I was 8 and direct abuse when I was 9. My perpetrator was a white, conservative, born again Christian man I often refer to in my writing as the “Reaper.” At 9, he completely stripped me of any sense of childhood innocence and safety, all while touting his religion. It was acceptable for a born again Christian man to sexually abuse me because he was an extension of God, saved in Jesus Christ’s name!
When I began dating a girl from school at 11, it wasn’t long before the Reaper found out. He rifled through my backpack and recorded what I was doing on the computer. As soon as he discovered a love note stashed in a tiny pocket of my school bag, he confronted me, red in the face.
“You’re going to go to Hell. You need to stop this now,” he said. “And if you ever tell anyone about what’s happening with us, I will tell your mom you’re a dirty little lesbian.”
So I shoved that queer part of me down deep and tried to ignore it.
A Search for Meaning
When I was 15, I moved back in with my father, thinking I’d effectively escaped the Reaper. That’s a story for another day, but when I moved hundreds of miles to New York, I got deeply involved with a modern Methodist church—the kind that played rock music and had a robust and exciting youth program. I began to throw myself into getting to know Jesus. I wrote a research report in my English class making a case for Jesus being a real person. I attended Youth Group twice a week, and even volunteered to be a Sunday greeter.
At 16, I started to question things after a few incidents at the church. I was in a great relationship with Jesus. I felt a deep, unexplainable and unconditional love whenever I connected with Christ. He showed me that I was made perfectly, a child of God.
I couldn’t deny the truth of my queerness any longer—not when surrounded by peers at Youth Group and a director who claimed to be entirely open, accepting, and affirming! I came out as bisexual. Big mistake. I was immediately talked down, both from the youth group leader, as well as from my father, and back in the closet I went. I was wrong again.
I ended up leaving the church when they shamed me for showing up exactly as I always did, in a black t-shirt and camo pants, to greet another congregation. Instead of encouraging me to be who I was, they showed me that my truth was only okay with others couldn’t see me—they sent me away. I called my dad crying from a shed—the only place I could hunker down near the church without being associated with it.
While my relationship with Jesus would prevail, my relationship with the formal Christian church, any church that did not accept all people exactly as they are, was done for.
Spiritual Trauma—Bypassing the Bullshit
I “converted” to Christianity-based Druidry when I was 18 years old, which later developed into pure Druidry, then studying Hellentistic Reconstruction, Celtic Reconstruction, Wicca, Hinduism, Buddism, and Egyptian Reconstruction. I even attended a Catholic church to get a sense of how they did things. I loved getting to know how other religions and spiritual views, exploring all the options and seeing what was authentic for me. I frequented a Unitarian Universalist church and even ran earth-based ceremonies for the Wheel of the Year holidays based on my training and apprenticeship within an eclectic spiritual group in my 20s.
But my religious and spiritual trauma wasn’t over. I was let down once again by a spiritual community I was deeply involved with for years. After ending a volatile relationship with a past intimate partner, I knew I couldn’t continue to condone what he was doing. He was helping facilitate spiritual healings and teachings for a growing community. I considered myself close friends with many in the community, and wanted to keep attending events, but I knew I couldn’t while so much was left unspoken.
So, I shared with a few people what had been happening behind closed doors. But, even after the spiritual community leader herself confirmed with me that she knew her fellow fascilitator was abusing me, and potentially others, she decided to let it slide for him and removed me from the community. She bypassed the bullshit, pulled the wool back over her eyes, and continued to support someone who even she knew was not healthy.
Heartbroken from having to not only let the relationship go, but now losing my entire spiritual community again for speaking my truth, I crumbled for a time. It was like my childhood again. Members of my family excusing the Reaper because he was born again and saved. Members of my “chosen family” sending me scathing messages because I said I couldn’t attend events any more while a person who had assaulted, controlled, and demeaned me for years was standing on stage.
How could I be spiritual when these spiritual leaders always seemed to excuse and condone harmful behaviors by their members?
For a while, I rejected my own spirituality. The examples around me were toxic:
Christians who'd rather send people to Hell than accept them as they are
Shamans using their "spiritual gifts" to manipulate women
Powerful witches teaching people to bypass their pain and discomfort and pretend bad experiences didn’t happen
No. All of this was wrong, and I knew it. Deeply traumatized, I wondered if I’d ever reclaim the spiritual components of myself.
The Turning Point
I simply can’t abandon my Spirit. I was always drawn back to practices like mindfulness, enjoying nature, and connecting with a sense of higher power.
During my tenure as a trauma therapist, I worked with many clients across many different religions. One day, a client sitting in the comfy rocking chair in my postage stamp office smiled and told me with wrinkled eyes how much she loved her Unity church. I’d never heard of that, but the way she talked about it gave me hope.
I looked into what they were all about, signed up for the Daily Word, and finally took the brave leap to attend an in-person service. I was in love.
Unity Ministries has a unique take on the Bible and Jesus that's quite different from traditional Christianity. We see Jesus as more of a 'Wayshower' or 'Big Brother Jesus,’ not as some unreachable divine figure but as someone who's blazed the trail for us to follow. In Unity, we don't take scripture literally. Instead, we use it as a tool for spiritual growth and self-understanding. We interpret verses metaphorically and metaphysically to explore different aspects of our own humanity and consciousness.
For example, when Jesus talks about the Kingdom of Heaven, we in Unity don't see that as some far-off place we go after we die. We interpret it as a state of consciousness we can achieve right here and now. It's about finding that divine spark within ourselves and living from that place of higher awareness.
This approach allows us to find deep meaning in scripture without getting hung up on historical accuracy or doctrinal debates that demean any group of people. It's about using these texts as tools for personal transformation and spiritual awakening. That's what Unity is all about—seeing the divine in ourselves and in each other, and using spiritual teachings to help us live from that higher perspective.
But I’ll still never believe in a one-size-fits-all for religion or spirituality. While I’ve found beliefs and practices that work for me, I will never prescribe a particular system to someone else.
You Have the Power in YOU!
So, what does all this mean for you? As your Queer-Spirit Guide, I'm here to help you break free from the rigid, often harmful structures of traditional religion and find your own authentic spiritual path whether that is as a member of a church or doing your own thing in nature.
Finding your authentic spiritual expression is about breaking norms, challenging conventions, and discovering your soul-level truth. It's about recognizing the divine within you and living from that place of power and love.
You have the power in YOU to be your most vibrant, healthy, fully expressed version! I see you as the light of the world just as Jesus did.
I want to leave you with two of my favorite quotes from the Bible where I believe Jesus was trying to share an important truth with us.
Luke 17:20-21: "Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, 'The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, "Here it is," or "There it is," because the kingdom of God is within you.'"
John 10:34-36: "Jesus answered them, 'Is it not written in your Law, "I have said you are gods"? If he called them 'gods,' to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be set aside—what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, "I am God’s Son"?'
These verses remind us of our inherent divinity and the power we hold within ourselves. We are not sinners in need of saving, but divine beings remembering our true nature.
Your Invitation to ReAwaken
If you're ready to break free from religious trauma, reclaim your spirituality, and discover your authentic self, I invite you to join me for a ReAwakening Ritual. If you’re open to support, this experience will help you:
Release the pain and fear instilled by harmful religious teachings
Reconnect with your inner divinity
Discover your unique spiritual path
Learn to live from a place of love and authenticity
And for those seeking ongoing support and guidance, consider my SOUL SUGAR program, a soul-level deep dive.
Together, we'll dive deep into your spiritual journey, healing past wounds and cultivating a rich, fulfilling spiritual life that aligns with your true self.
Remember, beautiful souls, you are perfect, divine, and worthy of love exactly as you are! Your uniqueness, your authenticity—these are not flaws to be hidden, but gifts to be celebrated!
Are you ready to break free and shine your light? Let's reawaken your spiritual side together!
Loving You Fiercely,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
This month, I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge and share wisdom gleaned from my sabbatical, butterfly medicine, and more. Feel free to follow along if you want to learn more about my story! #UltimateBlogChallenge https://www.ultimateblogchallenge.com/
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