No Bypassing Bull$#!t with Kim Paget
As an ex-trauma therapist and now spiritual guide, I'm always drawn to tools and people who aren't afraid to dive deep into shadow work. Recently, I had the pleasure of hosting Kim Paget, creator of the Unveiled deck, for a powerful conversation about authenticity, healing, and the importance of facing our shadows.
Key Highlights:
Kim created the Unveiled deck after thousands of tarot readings revealed a pattern: without addressing core issues, people keep repeating the same cycles
The deck serves as a way to help users identify and work through their shadows
We explored how spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity can actually prevent genuine healing
Kim shared her personal story of transformation when creating the deck's artwork
We discussed the importance of breaking generational patterns and healing ourselves to heal the world
The Power of Facing Our Shadows
I was amazed when Kim shared how she created the deck's artwork. Initially planning to commission an artist, she faced a challenge when the artist demanded last-minute royalties. Instead of giving up, Kim discovered her own hidden talent with alcohol ink painting, channeling artwork she didn't know she could create.
"If that hadn't happened to me, if I'd given up, then we wouldn't be sitting here now," Kim reflected. "I had to walk the walk and talk the talk."
Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
A particularly powerful moment in our conversation centered around people-pleasing and societal conditioning. Kim pointed out how deeply ingrained these patterns are, especially for women: "We're bred that way. Be a good girl. Don't cause a scene. Why don't you smile?"
This resonated deeply with my own journey as a recovering codependent. The Unveiled deck has been instrumental in helping me identify when I start slipping back into old patterns of people-pleasing.
The Truth About Healing
Kim shared a profound perspective on healing: "If you're not authentic, if you can't be 100% honest with yourself, don't pick up this deck." This echoes my own experience as a trauma therapist – real healing requires radical honesty with ourselves.
Some wisdom from our conversation:
"You did things to survive, to get you to here. Be kind to yourself."
"If you realize that you're responsible for everything you do... that's when real change begins."
"The most important thing you can do to heal the world is heal yourself."
A Collective Reading
At the end of our conversation, Kim offered a reading for the collective, focusing on relationships, material needs, and self-worth. The cards revealed important messages about authenticity in relationships, avoiding stagnation in our material lives, and finding true balance in how we value ourselves.
Experience More
Want to dive deeper into this conversation about authentic healing and shadow work? Watch the full Soul Connection Call on our YouTube channel, where we explore these themes in even greater depth. Subscribe to stay updated on future episodes, masterclasses, and rituals that will support your journey of authentic living and spiritual growth. If you want to see what the Unveiled Deck is all about, you can find it here!
All My Love,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
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*Transcript was created in Descript and may not be 100% accurately transcribed.
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No Bypassing Bull$#!t with Safrianna & Kim Paget===
Safrianna: Welcome, Kim. I am so glad that you've joined me here this morning for you. Yep. At the crack of dawn for you. So, let's just jump in and tell us where you're from and why you're up so early and who you are so that people can kind of orient.
Kim: Yep. I am Kim Padgett. I'm from sunny Sydney. It is actually sunny today.
We're moving into winter, so we're in autumn. It's a little bit cool, but it's sunny. It is 9am here right now. So I'm on my second coffee, so hopefully I make sense. I am the creator of the Unveiled deck.
Safrianna: Yes. And I'm so excited because You know, I invited you to get on a call with me because I had just finished doing a reading with this deck and I was like, Oh my gosh, like this called me out in all of the ways that I needed to be called out.
And I want to have a conversation with Kim about just, you know. How this came to be and why this is so fricking good. So just in case you don't know me, I'm Safriana Luna, the queer spirit guide, and I'm co founder of Living Luna, a brand that is centered around uplifting the others of the world. And I am just all about us living in our authenticity to make the world a better place by shining the example of what we can be and living that in embodiment.
So Kim, thank you for coming on with me today. Yes, your deck called me the hell out, and I loved it, and so we called this episode No Bypassing Bullshit because we're both very anti bypassing. This deck does not let you. And you Don't let people. So tell me a little bit about that. You know, what, what allowed you to step into your boldness with really allowing yourself to lead from this place of don't, you know, don't fake it.
Don't ignore your shadows.
Kim: Yep. After probably thousands of tarot reads it's a common theme of Why does this keep happening to me? Why do my relationships work? And you get to the point where it's like, you know, I can read your cards and tell you, you know, There's another partner coming, or there's another, you know, job offer.
But if you don't get to the core of what your own bullshit is, patents continue, right? So it's about getting to the core, not, you know, in this industry there's a lot of love and light. And I wish everybody love and light. But if you don't look at what's wrong with you, and we all have it it's not you know, don't anyone think, Oh my God, you know, this is about me.
No, we all need to do this work. But if you bypass and just think positive patterns remain, you're going to do the same stuff, you know, and I was concerned about clients that would keep the same patterns, never grow, never try something new, you know, and it's like, why? So we go back and we find out.
What happened usually in their childhood that made them think that, you know, this is acceptable. All the self worth is so low, I will put up with this. So when you get to the core of that and start to heal it, it's hey, you know what? I have boundaries now. I'm not going to put up with stuff that I don't want to put up with.
It is about being authentic. If you're not authentic, if you can't be a hundred percent honest with yourself, don't pick up this deck because you're going to look, you're going to draw a card and go, I don't have any baggage. I don't self, I don't self sabotage. I'm accountable for everything I do. No.
Okay. Now, if you pick up the deck and can't find a card you resonate with, you go back to go, I get you 200. Start again. You know, it's a very tarot calls you out. And that's why I love tarot. There's no fluffiness with tarot. So I went a step higher and I went, okay, let's call you out. Bang.
Safrianna: Yeah. That's what I needed.
I, I actually, it's so funny. I had purchased this deck after working with you and raising wild ones. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this other author has her own deck and she made the artwork in it. Holy shit. And I just pulled the balance card for the record to be sort of my, my theme here tonight. And that is exactly what I'm working on.
So, you know, it can call you out in the light. Side of things too where you need to work from that, but yeah, remind me real quick. What natural number you are? Six. Six. That's what I was thinking. I was, I was feeling your energy and I'm like, she's got to be a six. Yeah. And six is superpower is calling out what's alive in the moment.
And so you did just that with people in tarot, you were trying to call out what was alive in the moment, but tarot, you know, isn't quite specific enough about the shadow side of things sometimes, because it's, you know, broad symbolism, but these cards, you know, I love that the light ones, it's kind of, you know, interpret it in your own.
What does this mean in your life? So I see balance and I say, okay, well I'm literally balancing multiple careers right now as I'm trying to create the new balance for myself in my new career. Right. But then the shadow side, you have some very, very wise things in the shop. I'm like, as a soon to be ex trauma therapist, this deck does It's not right in the trauma and it's so good.
So I, yeah, don't do this if you are not like you haven't done a little bit of self development where you can sit with your stuff, but I just love how alive it is with what you're working with, which I just pulled destination happiness as I think about balance for me. Yeah. Destination happiness. Is that well, I'll be balanced when I get there.
Kim: Yep. Yeah, when this is, when I've got this sorted, when this falls into place, when this happens, when I get a bigger office, when the, well, then I'll be happy. And that's a huge trap we all fall into, right? It's I'll put it over there. When I do this, that's where my happiness is. When really we need to make it now then anything that happens when we get a new office, so we get a day off, it's like, it's like, Extra happiness.
It's not Oh, now I can, you know, and very rarely do people who live in destination happiness mindset ever get there.
Safrianna: This
Kim: was another problem, right? If you've got the bigger hands that you wanted, maybe there's a lot of traffic now or that you will find a problem because that is not the, the fix that you thought it was.
Yep. You know, I mean, you know, when I lose 20 kilos, I'm going to be happy. You're not because you're not, your mindset is the same in a different body.
Safrianna: Right. Yes. It's When I have time, when I have money, when I have the support finally, and we just, we have to commit and committing means committing to all parts of ourselves.
It means committing to not just the dream, but all of the parts of us that are struggling with that dream and committing to walking alongside them so that we can Do what we're meant to do and yeah,
Kim: yeah, yeah. And it is about the journey. Oh, yeah. It's about the
Safrianna: journey. Yeah. And the fact that we don't have control over every freaking aspect of the journey.
Kim: That's right. Yep. Yep. Only ourselves and our mindset and our actions. And when we realize that we can change the destination, you know, we put things in other people's not control. Hands make, you know, there's a lot of people that are like I'll wait to see what they do. And then I'll, I'll, I'll, you decide what I'm going to do.
You know, happens a lot in the workplace. You don't get along with the colleague and it's well, I'll see if he leaves first and then I get to stay or instead of going, you know what, I don't think this is working. I either got to find a, you know, a different workspace or leave and get another job.
Instead, you put control in somebody else's hands and you go home every night and you're angry and you bitch about it, but you're not doing anything about it. You know, I've read people that are in same job for 15 years and they hate it. I'm like, well, Solution here is to find another job. Oh, but you know, I'm close to long service now.
Okay, so you spend another five years in hell for your gold watch. You know, you're missing the moment. You're missing you're prepared. That's destination happiness. You're prepared to put five years of your life on hold or live in a shit mindset that you know you're going to. For a watch. You know, if you, if you're three months away from long service and things are going to be cheap, I get it.
But when you're years, yeah,
Safrianna: yeah, there's, there's something to be said about a longterm plan leading towards joy versus a longterm plan. That's just misery the whole time in the hope of the carrot, the golden carrot at the end of the stick. Right. Because yeah. I think it's totally reasonable for us to say, for the next 90 days, I am going to full steam ahead, eye on the prize, dig into whatever I'm working on, right?
And that's usually how goals are. Right? Any kind of goal, there's got to be some kind of momentum. And that takes more than two days for any meaningful project or self development or anything like that. So if the second we hit the shadow, the second we hit something out of our control, the second we hit something uncomfortable, we back out, we never build enough momentum to get through that hurdle.
But yeah, if it's five years, Oh, I'm going to have to drag myself for another five years. That's a whole different story.
Kim: Yeah, it is. It's a difference between this is my goal. I'm going to have obstacles because you are, if you pick a goal and like the first thing that goes wrong, you're like, Oh, well it's not meant for me.
Then it's not meant for you. You got to go through some things, right. To get to where you want and you're prepared for that. But this is just living in a shit situation to get to here. There's no, you know, There's nothing. There's no growth. There's no learning. If I had stopped on my first hurdle creating this deck, I would have been done within a month.
When you write a deck like this, you have to leave every shadow and you don't know what's coming at you and you don't expect it. And then boom. It comes the amount of things that I went through to get to the publishing, you know, the artwork I gave the artwork. I commissioned it to an artist because I can't draw a stick figure.
So I'm like, you know what? There's no way I can do artwork on this. I'm going to have to commission it out. She did all the work. I paid for all the work. And at the 11th hour with the last card, she says, you know what? I've been thinking I should get royalties and I should get the, and I just went, We had an agreement.
I bought the artwork. Anyway, I made the silly mistake of not getting that in writing at the beginning. But what that did was at the time it devastated me. Here I am, no artwork. I want to release in. Five months or whatever it was at that point. What am I to do? So I had the sheets. I Went home. I said to my husband, you know what remember when we're in like kindergarten and we got the strong We just blow ink.
I'm gonna do that and I had no intention of doing that.
Safrianna: Yeah
Kim: self empowerment So my girlfriend the next day and I told her the same story she goes, you know, that's how I do alcohol ink I go, what? So she told me how it worked, what supplies to get. I went home, I got the supplies, I practiced for a day and a half, and I painted the deck.
Which led to huge amount, like a huge door of other things. Like suddenly I channeled this art that I didn't know that I could do. So that opened the door to channeling people's energy and, you know, painting and doing all this beautiful stuff. If that hadn't happened to me, if I'd given up, then we wouldn't be sitting here now.
Right. You know, I, I had to walk the walk and talk the talk. If you're going to put out a deck like that in my reads, I like to empower people. Of course you can do that. Let's find ways that you can do it. I can't do that if I didn't do it.
Safrianna: Yeah. And that's, I love this because these are the cards that I pulled for myself as I'm sitting with the energy of my transition right now.
And just in me pulling these cards and showing them to you, we just had a conversation where you shared your own shadow story. Okay. In a way that let me reflect how I'm kind of walking the same path. So there is so much power in this to connect, not just within ourselves and the parts of ourselves that maybe we've.
I've tried to shove away for years and years and years and sometimes decades and decades, but it's also potentially a way to open conversations to explore our shadows ourselves. Like I could see this being such a powerful group processing tool, right? Like, all right, let's draw. Are like, okay, career, right?
So we're gonna talk about career tonight. How has career related to being at a crossroads in your life, right? And then it's like instantaneously there's this connection with this really gritty component of being human. I think. All of us have probably been at a crossroads with a, a career or a job or whatever, right?
Yeah. Where am I going from here? There's just such capacity to have deep, meaningful conversations. And that's what these calls are all about because I have really, really discovered, unfortunately in the past
four or five years more than ever, I guess, because of my own understanding of self, just how much we bypassed. I had, I had to leave a spiritual community because they were spiritual bypassing and refused to talk about the harm that was happening. You know, I've had to leave relationships where there's bypassing going on and I see people doing the toxic bypassing, the toxic positivity, love and light all the time.
And I'm very loving. I mean, I'm wearing sparkles and you see, like I'm all about shine your light into your thing. You have to cultivate a relationship with these shadows in order to live fully. Yeah,
Kim: 100%. If we, you know, if we're not living all authentically, we're really like, how much of ourselves are we giving to, to the world, to ourself?
It's, it's people pleasing, you know, I need to be a certain way. for people to like me or to belong. And you end up with this version of yourself that you don't even recognize. And who really wants to be like that? Like at the end of the day, when all is said and done, do you really want to look back on a life that was partially lived because you weren't yourself?
That's what it comes down to, you know, and yeah, it's good to think positive. I will always tell everybody, Try and make that your default, of course, but not, you know, this trauma happened. I'm just going to think positive and not worry about it because it's going to rear its head in 10 years. And it's not going to be pretty because I will.
And what happened in those 10 years, how much did you not live? How much did you not what opportunities did you not take because of that fear of not good enough? I won't make it, you know? And so you leave it there. It's, you have to leave your full life. We don't have to, but it's best. So you need to call yourself out.
And even for someone who's never done the work, if you pick up If you do a little reading for yourself, the light cards, there's no description of those in the guidebook. And I have had people contact me and go, Oh my God, my book hasn't got the descriptions of the light cards. And I'll go, yeah, I know that because it's not for me to tell you what your happiness is.
Safrianna: My balance is
Kim: different to your balance. My family is different to your family. I, you know, I, I can't tell you that there's no description. You know what it is? If you don't know, start looking there first. A, a dark card will, a shadow card will make you think, you know, if you don't get it straight away, just think on it.
You know, think on it and what it could mean. Try and find someone that can help you. Ask a friend. How often do we see, you know, our friends in the same patterns and we tell 'em. And they're like, no, no, no, it's fine. That's not a red flag. Maybe they'll think, you know, they'll stop and think. It's all about that.
So you can pick it up at any stage in your journey. The, the further you are along, the more it'll hit you and go, Oh,
Safrianna: Yeah, it does. It, that moment, right? The more awake and aware we are often the more of that we get, but it's like we can react and pivot. And when we're aware, when we're actually diving into the shadow, we are so much more aware.
So then it's just Oh, well, rather than avoiding and trying to put blinders on and just pretend it doesn't exist, I can instead either work to heal it or figure out a workaround. Yeah. Something that actually works in this situation, right? There are things that we like, can't repair grief. For example, we can't bring someone back from the dead.
Yeah. Right. So that pain, we can work to be with it because a lot of people, they, they will say, you know, my grief lasts forever. I can't ever see my grief going away. Yeah. So it really may not. So then with that, how do you be with it? How do you work around it or work with it? And in other cases. Shining the light on the shadow is all that's needed in order for it to transform to alchemize into something else.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Grief's a, it's a hard one. There's no time timetable. There's no timeline, you know? I've heard people, others say when someone's lost someone, it might be five years or six years and they're like, Oh, it should be over. No grief. When you lose somebody, you actually You enter a new normal or your normal because they used to be in it and now they're not.
So it's a whole new, you know, realm that you need to learn to live in. Shadows can pop up there a lot, you know, and it's worth looking at, not straight away. But later on you have a look, you know, why am I reacting like this? Why am I, you know, I think the people that react with that, aren't they over it by now?
They need to get this. Now that's a problem.
Safrianna: Yeah. All that projecting onto other people is a problem. I saw I commented that they've been working with a lot of clients to get out of people pleasing mode. And this, this deck, when I did my reading at the beginning of this month, I remember I just kept kind of drawing cards.
It was this big elaborate spread. I did a Facebook post about it with a picture because there's so many cards out, but I remember it was really, it was kind of calling me out on where I was maybe starting to lean back into. Some people pleasing or my codependent habits again, because I'm a recovering codependent and if I'm not willing to look at my shadows that are coming up, then I'm just going to slip immediately back into that old track and be right back on the hamster wheel of codependency again.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, it, it's, if you really look at it and you really think, you know, and you really go back. I read something the other day, it was like, if you, three whys will get you to the core. I tried it out, you know, on a couple of my own things and I'm like, yeah, that's, that's pretty right. You know, why, why, why, it'll get you all the way back.
to where it originated. And people pleasing is huge, right? Especially in women, you know, we're bred that way. Be a good girl. Don't cause a scene. Why don't you smile? So it's we have to be good girls. We have to, you know, be a little bit quiet, not make noise. We're not boys. We can't run and play in the dirt.
And it's not, you know, boys will be boys, but girls Be, you know, quiet, be nice, be pleasing to others. And you know, I don't know about you, I'm pretty sure about you and me, but inside our little girl, you know, has got a knife and wants to get out of there.
Safrianna: Yes, very much
Kim: so. Very much so. You know, no one says that to boys.
Why do you smile? No, what's wrong? It's, oh, it's deep conditioning. Right. Deep, you know, I was only A Facebook meme comes up every now and then. It's not really a meme. And it shows you back in 1960 something what was the advice to girls in home ec classes. Put a ribbon in your hair. Don't tell your husband how your day's been.
Make sure he has a hot meal. Get his slippers. Your What you went through in the day is not as important as his. And it just makes you want to burn everything, doesn't it?
Safrianna: This is, huh. How about those generations of burned witches? Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: There's a lot we've got to come out of, you know, because we're sort of put in that space and that's you know, I, I don't agree with this, how to, you know, I'm not just here to please everybody else.
What about my life? What do I want to accomplish? So we go back and we find, you know, the big people pleasing shadow there. We've got to work with it, heal it. Get through it. Put some boundaries in, you know, start to say no, which is hard for a lot of people.
Safrianna: It is reclaiming our no. When Ikenna and I first started dating, we had to practice me saying the word no.
And I. Sobbed, like I'd try and say no, and it would get stuck in my throat and I would just cry and cry and cry. That is how deeply programmed being silent has been for so many people, you know? Yes, absolutely. Women assigned female at birth people immediately are getting that programming. And if you come into it later in life, you get it then, right?
It's the same across the board. It does not allow for authenticity. It is such a damaging state for our society to be in and we've got to undo it.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And it's the same for boys. Don't cry. You know, you're a boy. What are you crying for? It's the same thing. So unraveling that is really, really hard.
You know, it's, and it takes work, but, and it's ongoing. I wouldn't say to anybody you know, people say to me, Oh, so you must have everything under control. You obviously know your shadows. No, I didn't reach some Nirvana or Zen state. I'm still processing and things happen. New things happen. And it's how you react to it or respond to it.
You know, my good friend always tells me respond. Don't react. So I'm like, okay, take a breath. Count to 10 respond. Don't react. We're in the in these places. We're actually doing a course now called restoring your light. So using unveiled as a guideline and she's working on chakras and energy work and I'm talking about the shadow and where it aligns with what chakra.
So it's all about just putting all of that together, finding out, you know, Are you people pleasing due to your base chakra, your foundations, your stability? All of that. There's a lot, you know, there's a lot. But the first step is to have a look, pull a card and go, okay, accountability. Do I have any?
What does that mean? People don't understand what it means a lot. If you realize that you're responsible for everything you do. Okay, everything you do. So if you're nobody sees that, see what they did to me, see how they treated me. What was your part in that? Did you push buttons, desired result? You know, when I realized that I was like, Oh my God And that happens to me still.
I'll pull, I just laugh when I pull unveiled for myself. I'm like, Oh, you cheeky, bitch, but I get it.
Safrianna: Oh my gosh. By the way, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the comments, but people are really enjoying this very open conversation. Bobby said she appreciates this conversation so much. And yeah, this is, this is the stuff. If we can't call ourselves out, we can't take ownership and ownership is empowerment. When I can say I'm taking ownership for what I did so that I can do it again or never do it again. Right? Like then it's, it's this, we're embracing that it's a choice. We're in, we're in that zone of creation because we can make the choice, right?
We're not feeling like we're veering down tracks we didn't build. Yeah.
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, oh, it takes, you gotta look at yourself in the mirror. You gotta look at your actions. And it's okay to go, Oh, geez, 10 years ago, I really didn't take accountability. I was. or I might have been a bitch in that situation.
Why did I do that? And then you look back and you realize why you did it and you get it. And it's okay, I will do better. You know, like you do better when you know better. When you don't know better, it's hard, right? Like this life is hard to navigate. The main, I mean, the big thing I'll tell anybody who's starting on this journey of self awareness or picking up unveiled, be kind to yourself, please.
Okay, you did things to survive, to get you to here. All right, blaming yourself, putting guilt on you. You're just creating more. Right. We don't need to
Safrianna: do more harm. No,
Kim: no, be kind to yourself. Talk to your little girl or your little boy. You know, we did that, that to get to here. It's okay. Now you're safe. I got you.
I'll take it from here. Put the baggage down. You know, you've got to be kind to yourself because it is, you're going to call yourself out and you're going to go, Oh, Oh my God. Why did I do that? I feel really bad. I shouldn't. It's okay. It's done. Do better now. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's not about calling yourself over the calls and and having so much judgment that you're in a dark space.
It's not that it's about healing the stuff that happened to you. So then as you go out into the world, you have compassion, you have empathy, you can see when people do certain things, you understand where that comes from. You know what they're going through, what they've gone through to get that, you know, there's a, if you scroll through Facebook, we all have the person that.
Posts everything. Every thought, every look what I did. Look what I did. Look what I did. Right? So people say, Oh my God, you're such a great person that is seeking approval. Facebook's a place to get it, you know, go back to find out what, what were your parents going through or what, what shadows did they have that they couldn't tell you, man, I'm so proud of you.
You've done such a great job. Keep it up. You know, it's glaringly obvious once you go down the track, you know, and it gives you, it gives you empathy and it gives you compassion for, for others. And you look at them in a different light. So it's just not Oh, it's like, Oh, I get it. Yeah. You know, and not that you can message them and say, Hey, because they'll find their way when they do, you know, Yeah,
Safrianna: generational healing is really hard, really, really hard.
And for whatever reason, it seems like the younger generation tends At least right now to do the work first. So yeah, if you're doing some inner child healing, do that with yourself and not with your actual parent, if they are still alive, if you need inner child healing, chances are, you're not going to find it from your parent, right?
Yeah. 100 percent love. You've got to,
Kim: yeah, you've got to do it.
Safrianna: Yeah.
Kim: You can't wait for that approval or Oh no, you're a good girl, Kim. We're proud of you. You have to find that within, you know, you're a good girl. You know, you kick ass. You don't need, you know, you've gone past that. You need to let it go.
Heal it. Look at your achievements. You don't need someone to say, you know, good on you. It's always nice, but you don't need it. You know, as an adult, you need to move past that. And you know what? Instill it in your Children. I tell my kids like there's nothing you can't do. I'm proud of you. You done so well.
Doesn't matter what they did. So they know they can do anything. They're good enough to do anything. They feel that within themselves. There's nothing they can't do. You know, they wouldn't. It wouldn't enter their mind. That they wouldn't be able to do it because their entire life I've been telling them you can do anything.
You're awesome. Girls and boys. I've got them all. You know what I mean? So you instill it there and you change that programming and they go on to do great things. They don't have that. What if it doesn't work?
Safrianna: Yeah, I mean in my work as a trauma therapist, this is a conversation that comes up all the time.
I will say when they're dealing with shame, they're dealing with, you know, these, you know, Just unfathomably deep emotions of pain that they don't know what to do with and they're like, just struggling with what else do I have? I say, well, you know, what was it like for you growing up? And usually they look back and they weren't getting a lot of that positive attention.
And I, I just try on and I try on this new description and I say, I want you to imagine that you were a little kid and your parents, you know, how proud they were of you. And they, they told you, you can do and be anything that you want. And you know, they always loved you and supported you and your, your dreams.
And, and my clients are like, I didn't have any of that. I'm like, yeah, but what if you did? What would have, what would have been different right now? And they're like, well, I wouldn't be thinking anything I'm thinking now. Exactly. Because unfortunately, when we don't own our wounds and we don't own their shadows and we bypass the bullshit, then we end up wounding other people.
And it's often children. Yep. It's often the, the people that we love the most.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's so important to do this work. And it needs to be, I don't know, therapy's mainstream, but I don't, we need to change, you know, how the, no one does inner work. There's no you know, our fifth period at school is self awareness period.
No, right. You know, it's, it needs to change on a level that is, you know I don't know, just available maybe, but it needs to be
Safrianna: fundamental. It needs to be fundamental across every level of society that we can access these tools to deep dive our emotions. And I mean, I was a, I was a public school teacher before I became a therapist and now I'm leaving therapy to be a spiritual guide.
So, I mean, I'm in complete agreement because public school is about compliance and grow up. So you'll get a desk job and feed a corporation. And then college is the credential chase to continue burning yourself out. And that's all public education is. And then therapy is, we need to cure you from your.
Mental illness that has been brought on by society, but we're going to pretend it's not so let's heal you so you can go back to work and be a productive member of society. And I'm like, I'm not about that either. So I'm getting out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100 percent more accessible community healing, you know, generational healing and, and messages of, of love and ownership.
But I mean, I'm sure I don't have to say that. All you got to do is look at American politics over the last. to see that there's no accountability on a larger scale. So of course people don't know what accountability looks like.
Kim: I think that's, that's politics the world over love. There's no and you know, you, especially when you see an election, they did this, that we've gotten no money because they did here also, you know, and a new government comes in, Oh, well we have to tax you more because they did this.
There is no, yeah. There's no accountability anywhere. So people grow up watching this, like it must be someone else's fault, you know, and it goes down on cellular level, you know, you know, we can, we can bitch about your fuel prices. That's not our fault, but that's not what we're getting at. You know, it's like the real.
The deep stuff. We need to be better. So as a society, we're better, you know, when you work through unveiled, you realize that judgment is a huge trigger. Why are you judging someone? There's a reason for it. Live and let live. No, you can't do that. Why? And judgment is one of those big things, you know, everything from mum shaming to everything.
Okay, literally
Safrianna: every there's judgment everywhere.
Kim: It drives me crazy, you know, it drives me crazy. You see, I read a story the other day about, not a story, it was like a, a post when this woman was at the beach and she saw this young mum with her daughter at the beach, had matching swimsuits on, looked so cute, she put her little rug and then she made the daughter do, you know, 10, 000 selfies.
The daughter was like, can I go in the water? Can I go in the water? Then it was like, okay, go in. And then she's calling the mom, come in the water. No, mom's taking selfies. She gets out of the water. Mom, can we go play in the water together? No, we need to go home now. So what you see is the Instagram of the perfect mom and daughter having fun at the beach when No.
Now, why did she need to do that? That's a huge shadow. Right. What is the daughter growing up to feel? You know, it's a whole new thing with the social media. Yeah who knows what, yeah.
Safrianna: Everything is, speaking of unveiled, right, social media so much is a veil. It's not, that's why I'm so pro Honest marketing and honest messaging and honest like representation of the light and the shadow in all things because if you are Again, trying to pretend everything is hunky dory.
Everything's great. Everything's love and light everything's puppies and roses and kittens all the time Then you, somewhere in there, you are hurting someone else, right? You're neglecting the kid with the wound, or you're neglecting your partner, you're neglecting your, your own inner child somewhere in there.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. And, and, you know, the, so the child is now wounded and has a shadow. Yep. You know, how's she going to play that out? Does she have to be the perfect selfie? Does that make mum happy? And you know, what does that say about, you know, what she looks like? Everything's the outer, not the inside.
Safrianna: Right.
Kim: And then you get ancestral trauma and on and on and on it goes,
Safrianna: which is very
Kim: hard to break. I read something the other day they did this experiment with mice and they put some, I don't know, rat sack or something in some grapes. So they ate the grapes, they die and they, they had I don't know, generations that they did this with.
And the second generation and the third generation wouldn't go near the grapes, even though there was nothing in them. It took the fourth. Go and eat a grape. So you don't even know why you don't want the grape at all. Wow. Yeah. I was like, yeah. Wow. I hate
Safrianna: animal experience, experimentation for the record, but that kind of stuff is I mean, you can see it.
It's obviously there in our culture. If anyone dares to open their eyes and look right. But that's the, that's the having to acknowledge the shadow and these. Cultural legacies, societal legacies. But yeah, that is so true. We're seeing these DNA markers. We're seeing biomarkers of trauma and how this is passed down.
So the most important, I literally say this on every call. I feel like it comes up in every conversation. The most important thing you can do to heal the world is heal yourself.
Kim: Yep. Yep. Absolutely. The most important thing. Yep. Yep. Because then you, you know, it's like you have the, the lot, the torch and then you light everybody else's suddenly there's a light, you know, and that's, I think that's the biggest maybe misconception about unveiling or it's dark or it looks a bit scary or I've had people say, is it black magic?
No. It's therapy on steroids. There's nothing black about it. It's about lighting your own. Torch again. So then you can help others like theirs. And when you just go out in the world and you're, you know, somewhat self aware, you'll, you have empathy. You have compassion. You're not so quick to judge anybody else.
Safrianna: The judgment
Kim: stops. Oh my God. Imagine the lives we could all lead.
Safrianna: Imagine. I mean, I just see that even in my own little circle, the more that we become radically accepting of each other and the more that we are kind to ourselves and each other, and the more that we're open and we're like, this is why I'm over here with my attitude right now, because this is coming up for me and we just air it out and we support each other in it.
Then there it is. It heals in the moment. It's able to transform in the moment instead of this, right? Shove it in the basement, right? We can shove all of our problems in the basement for a very long time, but eventually the basement gets full. And that's when we have psychotic breaks. Literally when we have burnout and psychotic breaks and mental breakdowns and massive health upheaval because our, our nervous system literally cannot bypass anymore.
And that's me speaking as a medical professional right there. Yeah, there's only so much we can contain.
Kim: Yep. Yeah, that's it. And then it's a process that we You know, we need to check in with ourselves constantly, you know, like I'm pretty self aware, but there are times and then I'm just like, you know, go pick up your deck.
Go have a look. Why did you do that? Because we're human. We're also human, you know, and with the bypassing is this we're spiritual beings having a human existence. Yes. Habit. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's the human experience it. Do you want us to have it or not? You know, we're not here to sit in an ivory tower and pretend we're better than everybody else because we're a little bit spiritual, spiritual at all when it comes down to that.
But you know what I mean? It's about being down in the trenches.
Safrianna: Not about
Kim: thinking you're better than other people, you know, and that's the whole, the whole love and light thing that, and bypassing that, you know, pisses me off because it's, you're not doing the work if you're looking down at people, you know, and saying, you know, Oh, I've ascended and you know, have you though?
I don't think so. Yeah.
Safrianna: If you're, if you have, then why are you still here, my friend, that's all I have to say.
Kim: Yeah. If you're truly like, you know, self aware and compassionate, you're not up there looking down, you're down here helping. Yes. Giving other people the torch, you know?
Safrianna: Yes. It's,
Kim: it's another, it's another shaming thing, you know?
If you're in a spiritual group that you can't get angry and you can't speak of truth, and you're made to feel less than if you do that. Are you, are you in a cult? Where are you, you're not in a space where you where you can be yourself. Right, right. And spirituality to me is being your absolute.
Authentic self being able to say, you know, that makes me mad or that I know how to feel about that. Not just, you know, love and light. It'll be okay. Have a cake. No. All right. Yeah. You know,
Safrianna: I do know. I I'm sad that I know it's out there and yeah, there's, there's so much harm we do when we do not own our stuff. And so, you know, This is a great tool to have at your disposal. Of course, I highly recommend therapy with an open minded therapist. Me too. And, or coaching with somebody that you can tell aligns truly with you and is not just, you know, masquerading with a personality disorder, charging you exorbitant amounts of money.
To spend time with them. That's a whole other soapbox they could get on. Kim, do you want to do a little like reading for the collective with maybe what collective shadow we're working on? Yeah, let's do that.
Kim: Okay, so I'm going to pull three light cards and pull a couple of shadow cards and everyone can take what resonance.
How'd you get the words out? Second coffee of the day. Alright, so we have relationships, material needs, and self worth. That's very interesting. The collective, I think, in both our countries is the cost of living we're coming out of a pandemic. Things have been in unprecedented for, for everybody alive right now.
And it's very hard. So I think that's most of us, I would say right now. So let me pull three cards, what to look at. Okay. So on relationships, I've pulled The mirror. The mirror is about looking in the mirror and what looks back at you. What is the reflection? Is it you or is it the mask you wear that you think everybody else wants?
Because we don't really know, do we? If we, if we put a mask on, it's what we think they want. No one says to us, well, I guess some do. I need you to be this. I need you to be that. I guess that is there. But we put that mask on. In relationships. Oh, look, we want to be important, important to being yourself.
Otherwise it's not going to work. Okay. If you're being what you think that person wants or what they, Expect you to be, you need to leave that relationship because you're not you. Okay, so have a look in them and all relationships. Okay, are you the colleague you think you should be or are you you? Are you the friend you think you should be?
Or do you just tell everybody what they want to hear in your circle so they like it? You need to challenge them. You need to say, This pattern you have of whatever you're doing is self sabotage and I love you enough to tell you that because I want you to realize it and I want you to have healthier relationships in the future.
I don't know if a friend told me that I'd be like, Oh my God, you're the best, right? This is what we want, truthfulness. So have a look at your reflection and Is it authentic? Okay, does it match you? Or is it what you think people want to see? Okay in all relationships. Material needs I've pulled stagnant.
Anyhow, back to that story of And I got five years till I get my lung service and my gold watch. But you're stagnant. Everything in your life is stagnant. You clock on, you clock off. There's no growth. Okay, now look, there are times we need to clock on and clock off. I've done it. Okay, there were like we cannot always, you know, I'm gonna be a fairy and not go to work and mortgage doesn't get paid like that, right?
So there's times we have to do that. That's just fact. But at what cost? There's, you know, Is it so bad you have anxiety, you can't sleep, you cry in the car park at work? This is a problem. This is a problem. And I know right now it's hard, you know, we do, the interest rates are going up, fuel is crazy, food is crazy.
I think our countries are similar like that. We have to earn money. So when you're in a space like that, it's not really about your shadows kept you there, it's reality right now and I have to get through this. So don't get that mixed up with, you know, why you won't leave a job when there's clearly.
Other work available to you. You're just scared to go there. Okay, so in material needs, have a look at what is what is real stagnant and what is just what you have to do right now. Okay, because we can't, we can't all, you know, just do what you want. We can't do that a lot of the time. Okay. But if we have to do it at work, we need to be authentic in our relationships in our life.
Otherwise, it's too much. Okay. Self worth. And we have balance. The dark card of balance I really, I just this card. And I think it's because a lot of us do this, you know, we look after everybody else and we have nothing left. So on a, our self worth is down here because we have to, we prioritize everybody else and we have nothing left for us.
So there's no balance. There's no time to, Be creative. Go and get coffee with a friend. There's, there's no time because we have to do everything for everybody else. It tells your self worth, you're at the bottom of the pile. So you need to look at your boundaries. Say no, I can't, I need to do this. When's the last time you did something for yourself?
You read a book, you did something creative. You just went for a walk. You did a class. You did something outside the comfort zone. If you've never done say you see my Ad for Tarot class and you go, I've never done anything but I'm going to do that. That is balance. You're doing something for yourself, you know, yoga, anything, but you need to do it.
Otherwise there's no, there's no balance. You're way over in the red, which tells yourself on a level, you're not good enough to be first.
Safrianna: Absolutely. Yeah. That, thank you for that. That matches so much with what I see people really struggling with right now. And I think that there were some great gems in there for What we can look at in ourselves to really break free from these patterns if we choose it's a choice
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, it's hard. You know, it's not an ideal.
I don't know if there's ever been an ideal time where you can just be like, Oh, it's okay. I can afford this. I can do that. I can, I can, whatever. And if you're saying, you know, I'd love to do yoga and I can't afford it right now. I get that. Do some meditation. Look it up on YouTube. Do YouTube yoga. Okay, we have things.
Yeah, we just choose to be I can't, I can't, I can't. So then you're sitting in self pity. Why? You're important as everybody else. Go and do your class. Go and get that coffee. The little things you can do. Sitting outside, put some headphones in, put whatever soothes you. If I know that Guns N Roses go in, I'm in zen and I'm happy.
Safrianna: There you are. Well, thank you so much for this conversation tonight. Well, this morning for you, Kim, this I, it's the end of the day for me, but this was just a wonderful conversation. And again, if you're tuning in live, we've, we've had people popping in and out all evening over here, morning. I don't know.
You're not streaming to your people, but they're probably still asleep. You're you're the early bird, but yeah. If
Kim: you
Safrianna: are catching the end of this. Feel free to rewind and watch earlier portions because we definitely called ourselves out. We called the collective out. We are not about bypassing because it doesn't help us heal.
So, thank you again, Kim. If you want to look at Kim's deck online, it's on Amazon, it's called Unveiled and Kim, her last name is spelled P A G E T. Paget. Paget. Yep. Yeah. Check it out. It is an awesome, beautiful deck, beautiful art, just incredible. Great conversation. Thank you so much for having me, love.
Absolutely. All right. Until next time, my friends.
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