Coming Back to Wholeness After Trauma: Reclaiming the Full Self
As a holistic wellness and spiritual guide, one of my greatest joys is helping people rediscover their soul-level authenticity after experiencing trauma. Trauma comes in many forms - from childhood experiences and relationship difficulties to career setbacks and spiritual wounds. These experiences can leave deep, often invisible scars on our psyche, shaking the very foundation of our beliefs and sense of self.
So many of us have been taught to offload our own internal compass to an external authority—our father or mother, our religious leader, God, a coach, teacher, or even doctor—anyone we can be conditioned to see as “correct” during our childhoods.
Read on to explore how trauma shows up in our life and what we can do to move through it. This is a heavy blog, so please be gentle with yourself!
What was your childhood like? Was it filled with joy and support? Was it full of trials and challenges? Was it somewhere in between?
The Impact of Childhood on Our Worldview
Did you grow up being told you were perfect just as you are?
Did you hear messages about your inherent worthiness?
Or, did you hear that there was a correct way to be and that you needed to strive for perfection?
Our worldview is greatly formed by our childhood and adolescent years. Each stage of development marks different milestones including attachment styles, learned skills and abilities which can establish lifelong trends, and self-image, including how we perceive our self-worth.
We have the opportunity to hit the ground running as adults if we had a pretty healthy upbringing. If we were raised in nurturing environments where autonomy, exploration, and authenticity were celebrated, then as adults, we know it’s okay to make mistakes, draw boundaries, and change our minds. When all our lives our emotions were safe to feel, explore, and discuss, self-alignment would be as easy as breathing.
When raised in a supportive environment, we develop beliefs like:
"It's okay to make mistakes."
"Failure leads to innovation!"
"I am worthy no matter how much I do."
"I am amazing!"
"It's okay to feel my feelings."
"It's easy to take care of myself."
But, many of us didn’t grow up in supportive households that created space for our emotions and challenges.
This is an unfortunate norm for those of us living and raised in a world where generational trauma is ignored or swept under the rug… Where consent is ignored and rape culture continues to be pervasive… and where talking about our feelings and needs is shamed and spun as a sign of weakness. I believe a great deal of this stems from the perpetuation of religious systems and capitalistic structures that do not honor the individual but rather strive to turn a profit from fear and continue a trend of power and control.
Unlike these affirming narratives I’ve shared, many of us grew up hearing things that made us second guess and doubt ourselves at every turn. We may have felt deep shame, fear of disappointing others, or just crippling anxiety and overwhelm. So many of us experienced emotional neglect, minimizing, scapegoating, or even outright abuse. And if you’re like me, you may have heard that you were going to burn in Hell for eternity just for being who you are.
The Ripple Effect of Trauma
I've seen firsthand how both "little t" and "Big T" traumas can profoundly shape our lives. “Big T“ traumas are the events we typically associate with PTSD - like severe accidents, assaults, or natural disasters. But “little t” traumas, those seemingly minor hurts we all experience - constant criticism, emotional neglect, or feeling chronically misunderstood - can be just as impactful. These smaller wounds accumulate over time, creating a ripple effect that influences our self-worth, relationships, and how we move through the world. In terms of spiritual and religious trauma, the “little t” traumas of constant fear and trauma can build up.
Our self-doubt narratives typically started from early critical commentary, neglect, indoctrination, or abuse from a caregiver or authority.
Trauma comes in many forms. Signs we’ve experienced trauma may include nightmares, low self-esteem, hopelessness, pain, confusion, anger issues, fear, trigger responses, and PTSD.
Here are a few examples of traumas and resulting beliefs I’ve witnessed many clients sharing:
1) Our efforts weren’t good enough on chores, school work, or in extra curricular activities. We were told we need to try harder or prove our worth in order to receive some recognition or reward. This lead us to be deeply afraid of disappointing others.
2) Our voice and feelings didn’t matter. We needed to calm down and stay in control at all times with no dysregulation or our parents would blow up, send us to our room alone, or exact some other form of punishment. Emotions become a thing to be feared and silenced.
3) We were forced to participate in religious events or communities that we did not choose. We absorbed a message of “us vs. them”, “rightness vs. wrongness”, and “Heaven vs. Hell”. We didn’t want to burn in Hell, so we aimed to be compliant and “good” as much as possible.
4) Our bodily autonomy and integrity were violated. We were children with adult authorities that did not respect our NO, so we were made to go places we didn’t want to go, do things we didn’t want to do, or say things we didn’t want to say. We were seen as lesser than by those who were supposed to care for us, so we grew to believe we would always be lesser or not enough.
5) Experiencing or witnessing violence or abuse, whether in the home, at school, or in the wider community, can lead to a state of constant hypervigilance. This means always being on high alert, scanning for potential threats, and struggling to relax or feel safe. This heightened state of awareness, while initially a survival mechanism, can become exhausting and interfere with daily life.
These aren’t easy examples to read, but as I said, they’re all real scenarios I’ve seen clients work through, as well as worked through myself. They’re not easy to move through, but the good news is we can heal and return to wholeness.
In many cases, our inner compass was more or less destroyed and stomped on by someone close to us, so now we fear ever trying to find that small voice ever again.
What if we lose touch with ourselves in the future?
What if we don’t like who we really are?
What if someone abuses us again for showing our truth?
These sorts of questions can drive us to complete internal retreat, backing up from the idea of making change in our life for fear of how much we might “rock the boat.” Walking away from old patterns, people pleasing, codependency, and/or deep shame is challenging. But it’s precisely when we free ourselves from the narrative of others and get back in touch with our Self that we begin to thrive.
Whether it's a single devastating event or a thousand tiny cuts, trauma leaves its mark on our body, mind, and spirit. The beauty is that healing is possible from both. By addressing these experiences holistically, we can transform their ripple effects from sources of pain into wellsprings of growth and self-discovery.
With Self-alignment, Self-empowerment, and Self-Love, we can do just about anything. But if it wasn’t our baseline in childhood, it takes dedication and patience to see ourselves home to our soul-aligned Self-image.
The Path to Self-Alignment and Empowerment
Healing from trauma and reclaiming your authentic self is a journey that begins with small, consistent steps. Here are some actionable tips to start your path to self-discovery and empowerment:
Practice daily self-reflection: Set aside 10 minutes each day to journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you identify patterns and gain insights into your inner world.
Cultivate mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or meditation to ground yourself in the present moment and reduce anxiety about the past or future.
Explore your values: Make a list of your core values and reflect on how you can align your daily actions with these principles.
Set healthy boundaries: Start small by saying "no" to requests that don't serve your well-being, and practice communicating your needs clearly and respectfully.
Engage in self-care: Prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit, such as exercise, creative pursuits, or spending time in nature.
Challenge negative self-talk: When you notice self-critical thoughts, pause and reframe them in a more compassionate, realistic way.
Seek support: Connect with trusted friends, join support groups, or consider working with a professional who can guide you through your healing journey.
While these tips can be incredibly helpful, sometimes we need additional support to truly break free from deep-seated patterns and trauma. This is where working with a guide can be transformative.
Why I Love What I Do
As a former therapist and current holistic wellness and spiritual guide, I've witnessed incredible transformations in my clients. It's truly inspiring to see people rediscover themselves, to uncover the SPARK of their soul that was there all along, hidden beneath the rubble of past experiences.
My approach goes beyond traditional methods that focus solely on diagnosis and symptom management. Instead, I offer a holistic framework that honors every facet of your being — body, mind, emotions, and spirit/soul.
One of the most rewarding aspects of my work is helping clients break free from negative patterns and cycles. These ingrained behaviors often stem from past traumas or limiting beliefs, and dismantling them opens up a world of possibilities. As these old patterns fall away, we get to focus on your visions and dreams - the aspirations that light you up from within.
I can be your personal cheerleader, guiding you towards a new level of being. This isn't about becoming someone else; it's about becoming more fully yourself.
Ready to Taste Your SOUL SUGAR?
If you're feeling called to reclaim your authentic self and step into a life of greater alignment and joy, I invite you to explore SOUL SUGAR. This transformative 1-on-1 program is designed to help you shed the layers of conditioning and trauma-shadows, revealing the sweet essence of who you truly are. It is for those who have already worked through some post-traumatic growth and are ready to make the leap to the next level of THRIVING!
In SOUL SUGAR, we'll work together to:
Establish healthy boundaries in all areas of your life
Break negative patterns and cycles stemming from various traumas
Nurture your visions and dreams, reconnecting with your authentic self
Unpack your unique blueprint, such as your Human Design, Intuitive Gifts, Astrology, and/or Natural Number
Cheer you on to your next level of being, integrating all aspects of your journey
Don't let the weight of past experiences hold you back any longer. You have the power to rewrite your story and live a life that's true to your soul. You get to take the first step towards your sweetly empowered life today.
You can learn more about SOUL SUGAR and how we can co-create the vibrant, authentic life you deserve here. Your journey to self-discovery and empowerment awaits - let's savor it together!
As you reflect on your journey and consider these steps towards healing, remember to be gentle with yourself. Healing is not a linear process, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating.
Whether you choose to continue this journey on your own or with guidance, know that you're worthy of love, healing, and a life aligned with your truest self. If you find yourself needing additional support or a compassionate guide along the way, don't hesitate to reach out. You don't have to walk this path alone. Wishing you peace, healing, and the sweet taste of rediscovering your authentic self.
With Love & Support,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
This month, I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge and share wisdom gleaned from my sabbatical, butterfly medicine, and more. Feel free to follow along if you want to learn more about my story! #UltimateBlogChallenge https://www.ultimateblogchallenge.com/
Want to chat with me directly? Join the LivingLUNAs Discord: https://discord.gg/5UkGZb9kYp
