Unmasking the Mind-Heart Dance: Lessons from a Recovering People Pleaser's Sabbatical
In my last post, I dove into the body + emotional overlap and shared how:
Our physical sensations and emotions are deeply intertwined
The body provides signals and guideposts for our emotional state
Paying attention to physical sensations can help us understand and process our emotions
Chronic tension or pain may be linked to underlying emotional patterns
Aligning our actions with our true desires can lead to greater physical and emotional well-being
Our bodies and emotions are intricately connected, forming a powerful feedback loop that informs our experiences and choices. Today, we're going to zoom in on another inner relationship: the interplay between our minds and our emotions.
Just as our physical sensations can clue us into our emotional landscape, our thoughts and beliefs profoundly impact how we feel. This mental-emotional connection is a key piece of the holistic human experience puzzle we've been exploring.
I'll focus on the mental aspects of our emotions and explore how our thoughts shape our emotional reality and, conversely, how our emotions influence our thinking patterns.
Mental - The Mind, Analysis, Thinking - Self Perception -
What We Believe
On Thinking About Feelings & Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in navigating the interplay between our thoughts and feelings. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as to perceive and influence the emotions of others.
Developing emotional intelligence isn't just about labeling feelings so we can talk about them. I is also about understanding their origins, their impact on our thoughts, and how they influence our actions. Our thoughts and emotions are deeply connected, constantly influencing each other. This creates a feedback loop that shapes how we experience the world.
What we think affects how we feel. If we see a situation as dangerous, we might feel scared. If we see it as exciting, we might feel happy. Our emotions also change how we think. When we're in a good mood, we tend to think more positively. When we're worried, we often imagine the worst outcomes.
By developing emotional intelligence, we can better interpret the signals our emotions send us, make more informed decisions, and communicate more effectively with others. This skill has been invaluable in helping me recognize when I'm slipping into people-pleasing patterns or when my fear of disappointing others is driving my behavior.
By thinking about our emotions and giving them names, we can become more aware of them and their effect on us. This can help us become more emotionally present. But it can also lead us into tricky territory. Sometimes, we overthink our feelings. We create stories in our minds that can make the emotion stronger or change its meaning entirely.
The trick is to find a balance. We want to acknowledge and understand our emotions without getting too caught up in thinking about them. Mindfulness can help here. It teaches us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judging them or getting too attached.
By understanding how our thoughts and emotions work together, we can better understand ourselves. This awareness can help us respond to our experiences more wisely and kindly.
Thinking Energy: Reflections from a Recovering People Pleaser
How do we perceive ourselves? The answer plays a huge role in how we show up in the world.
If we view ourselves as a victim, we are going to act in the world as a victim. If our mindset says we’re incapable of doing something, such as taking a break, then we will be exactly that. How we view ourselves and think about ourselves has a ripple effect into both what we do as well as what’s happening on a subconscious and energetic level.
As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve noticed internal narratives coming up worrying how people view me. Am I doing enough? Am I saying the right things? Even though I’ve done years of therapy, mindset work, self-development, and so on, I still struggle with anxiety and feelings of unworthiness from time to time. This is a facet of my human life. Our minds are hardwired with various patterns, beliefs,and memories that we can shift, but it takes a lot of time and patience. And no matter what, there is always an echo of past traumas and negative experiences that influence us. Compassion is key here.
Insecurity — A Common Side Effect to Overthinking
A specific example where I’ve noticed insecurity is around my new email boundary.
Right as I went out on sabbatical, I networked with someone who had an email autoresponder that mentioned she had no consistent schedule for catching up with emails. I was seriously inspired!!! I put up an auto-responder email right away and haven’t take it down since.
Even so, with clearly stated boundaries, I find an insecure part of me wondering:
Will people be annoyed by my autoresponder?
Will they be offended that the email says how they can work with me?
Are people going to not want to network, collaborate, or hire me because I have the audacity to put my boundary out there like this?
Other than that, I wasn't super concerned with emails aside from those anxious questions above. There were very few that I responded to, saying, "Great, I'll get back to you in July," to let them know I was excited.
But what if I’d let myself be completely unplugged? The truth is, I still had a belief it wasn’t safe to completely let go during this time. I feared “dropping the ball” on something or someone important. I felt insecure and afraid.
In observing why I responded during my time off, I see there was some compulsion from old people pleasing patterns, for sure. But, for the most part, I was able to notice it and resist it gently.
Another big compulsion and negative thought pattern I’ve come to terms with thanks to this sabbatical, "If other people are working, I need to work, too." I believed that I needed to be productive if anyone else was, which is completely ridiculous. There's always going to be someone being productive when I'm not. If I saw one of my partners working, I would feel this compulsive need to do some work, likely a codependent holdover of feeling like I need to be on all the time for others, show up as the rock star, and generally force myself to be a machine.
So many of my patterns of over-showing up were based on limiting beliefs still rooted in my subconscious!
Subconscious Patterns: Mondays as Work Days
Even during my sabbatical, I noticed how deeply ingrained the concept of Monday as a "work day" was in my psyche. Despite my intention to fully unplug, Mondays consistently triggered a feeling of being "in work mode." I found myself checking emails, clearing out spam, and feeling compelled to create content like podcasts or blog posts.
This pattern reflects not just personal habit, but also societal conditioning. The idea of taking a weekend off and then "returning to work" on Monday is so deeply embedded in our culture that it influenced my behavior even during a dedicated period of rest.
While I maintained an autoresponder for emails, I still felt a need to engage with work in some capacity on Mondays. This compulsion was a clear sign of how our minds can cling to familiar patterns, even when we're actively trying to break them.
Shame, Fear, & Disappointment
This Monday work pattern wasn't the only compulsion I noticed during my sabbatical. As I observed my thoughts and behaviors more closely, I became aware of other deeply rooted emotional responses that were influencing my actions and challenging my commitment to rest.
Shame, Fear, and Disappointment are three emotional states or feelings that are intertwined with our self-perception and sense of self. These three emotions represent the three sort of "Achilles' Heel" feelings that can really cripple us and bring us into a low state.
I noticed shame around not "showing up" when others were working. This shame was deeply rooted in my people-pleasing tendencies and the belief that my worth is tied to my productivity.
I felt fear about finances, the future, and what others thought of me. The uncertainty of taking time off triggered anxieties about financial stability and my professional reputation.
I toed the line of disappointment, saying no to certain events or engagements to preserve my energy. Part of me still wanted to do it all, and saying no meant confronting the reality that I can't always please everyone.
These emotional experiences during my sabbatical highlighted the complex interplay between my thoughts, feelings, and actions. They challenged me to sit with discomfort and reassess my priorities.
Strategies for Mind + Emotion Connection
To nurture a more harmonious mind-emotion connection, consider the following:
Practice mindfulness to observe thoughts and feelings without immediate reaction
Use cognitive reframing to challenge and reshape negative thought patterns
Use affirmations to redirect and change thoughts
Regularly check-in on yourself emotionally to stay attuned to your feelings
Seek support through therapy, coaching, or conversations with trusted friends
Develop a consistent self-care routine that addresses both mental and emotional needs
Looking Back
This sabbatical experience has been—dare I say it—transformative.
Shedding light on the intricate connections between my thoughts, emotions, and actions is important so I can untangle them and create a life more suited to my dreams. It's highlighted the ongoing work I need to do in challenging my people-pleasing tendencies and redefining my relationship with productivity and rest.
Being intentional about rest, relaxation, and deliberately working less yielded an eye-opening time of self-discovery, challenging my deeply ingrained beliefs about work, rest, and self-worth. While I’ve always supported my clients to the utmost when it comes to embracing their dreams, energy, and flow, I realize where it’s been hard for me and where I haven’t consistently given myself the same treatment.
All that is changing! As I continue to process these insights, I'm committed to cultivating a healthier relationship between my mind and my emotions.
Moving forward, I'm focusing on:
Honoring my boundaries without guilt
Recognizing and challenging limiting beliefs
Embracing a slower, more intentional pace
Aligning my actions with my true desires and energy levels
Aligning our thoughts, emotions, and actions is ongoing. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to challenge societal norms. As we continue to explore the connection between our minds and our hearts, we open ourselves to a more authentic, balanced way of being.
What aspects of your mental-emotional connection have you been exploring lately?
How do you notice your thoughts influence your feelings, and vice versa?
I'd love to hear your insights!
With All My Love & Encouragement,
Safrianna Lughna
The Queer-Spirit Guide
This month, I’ve been deep-diving insights from my sabbatical experience.
I’ve explored:
Productivity Culture Nearly Broke Me, So I Took a Sabbatical
The Art of Rest: Embracing Simple Pleasures During My June Sabbatical
Embracing Holistic Alignment: Physical and Emotional Insights from My Entrepreneur's Sabbatical
I love offering free resources! Check out my guided meditations on Insight Timer, or check out our mental health and wellness related freebies on LivingLUNAs resource page.
This month, I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge and share wisdom gleaned from my sabbatical, butterfly medicine, and more. Feel free to follow along if you want to learn more about my story! #UltimateBlogChallenge https://www.ultimateblogchallenge.com/
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